I am just starting to come out of a full blown anxiety attack. I have not had an anxiety attack to that crippling of an extent in over 3 years. It was triggered by a bad PTSD flashback that turned into a much larger series of memories linked to that event that spun me instantaneously into an attack, there was never a chance to stop it it was all literally as quick as a snap of the fingers. My body was out of control the moment the PTSD was triggered. My mind was instantaneously put into a spin and I knew what was happening and I tried so hard to fight it which made it so much worse. I was at the mall trying to get away from the situation that triggered it and try to snap my brain out of it I clumsily was trying to put words together in text explaining how I felt and trying to explain there was no choice in what was happening to me but I failed at it horribly and my asking for help failed just as much. This resulted in me going into the next stage of an anxiety attack where you can no longer breath and your body goes into shock. I ended up hiding in the mall bathroom incapable of being able to figure out how to get home, how to breath, what to do and where to go, how to not pass out. You cannot think or physically function in this state and every little thing is confusing and scary. My phone died and I curled into a whimpering ball. The staff at the mall caught on and helped me, gave me a quiet area, water, a hug and a bag to breath into, they have seen these attacks before and were very understanding of what these attacks are and that they cant be helped. They lent me a phone and Ryan had to come retrieve me from the mall because I couldnt leave or figure out how to get home. Anxiety attacks are not a choice and are not able to be just gotten over you cannot just breath your body and mind physically loses control and you have to ride it out, spinning thoughts and all. They are not something to take lightly and I would like to hug and hold anyone I ever see going through one. Sometimes that bit of comfort can help you focus that tiny bit more. Im starting to feel better, but am now exhausted and very sad. Its embarrassing and I need to clear my head and need love right now. I forgot what these were like, I hope to not be reminded again.
Posted on: Mon, 02 Dec 2013 02:32:27 +0000
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