I am not sure how to describe my attitude today. Tired worn out is how it seems to me currently. Tired of the hassles in my life, worn out from them. Which occasionally manifests as limited capacity to sound for generous I suppose. I have a strong urge, which was not a problem for 27 years. I liken it to chain smoking for 27 years. Telling a chain smoker, you dont smoke wont make it easier for them to quit. HRT was likely going to be the equal of the patch for me. Being told to wait till my assessment, is like telling the chain smoker, can you wait a year for the patch? I just finished moving, so now, being the one to pack up mom, well it is still packing, even if it is not my stuff. Moving a person solo twice within 3 months, is really tiring. Especially when you remember I am disabled, and I am looking after someone in the hospital the whole time. It hasnt helped, I am often an emotional wreck, thanks to my current marriage circumstances. Then you add my gender issues. Then you add my legs hurt, because my disability really doesnt give a damn about the rest of my life. Yesterday was great. But I woke up this morning, and I am just so tired and worn out feeling. Not easy to just soldier on as if it is just an ordinary day. Im taking mom some images of the place sister told me she has looked into for mom. Looks nice, its as you would expect for a seniors place for expense. Its a trial month for purposes of getting mom into Ottawa. But it is looking like it might be a trial that has already been resolved to be a trial period that is not expected to really just be for just the month. The whole apartment notion, looks like it might simply have been a bridge too far (I wonder if non WW2 history types even understand the bridge comment?). I am looking out the window, wondering when will spring actually start, and to be honest, I am not really to some extent interested in giving a damn if summer never comes. Will my place be ok in the summer heat? Will I like it here on a 3 floor location? Will I feel trapped in my place because of the heat? It could snow all damned year for all I care to some extent. Its just a stress generator I would not miss.
Posted on: Thu, 27 Mar 2014 11:25:13 +0000
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