I am one that calls them like I see them. I don;t like to be lied to, not even a little white one and I will be honest with you even if it might hurt your feelings, but I will try to soften the blow. I love people. If I could, I would take in all the children that did not have loving parents and give them all a room, food and a warm blanket at night and let them know that they are worth it. I try my hardest to stay positive even when circumstances that are not so postive come my way. I continuously try to find beauty in nature to take away the blow of the pain and the feelings I might be feeling inside so I can see the sunshine rather than the dark clouds. With all that being said, I had a very strange phone call tonight that I completely was not prepared for. I have already been battling two infections and this nasty disease which I think I have handled with grace and dignity most of the time but on top of all of that, this phone call set me back to a moment I did not want to revisit at this particular time. I will go back a few days first. I have received notices for my deceased father that he has missed appointments at the VA in which the VA admitted him into hospice and the VA was notified of his passing. After that, I received a brand spanking new VA card with his picture nicely placed on it like a drivers license because apparently his other VA card had expired. Once again, I made that phone call being his power of attorney. Tonight I get a rather demanding phone call that I need to pay an outstanding bill that is owed as part of his memorial. My dad;s passing was the most beautiful peaceful experience I had with him. We had fun cutting up and being silly together and we butted heads too being both stubborn but the last three weeks of his life I would not trade for a thing. Those moments I will cherish always. Him holding my hand and reaching out to me to see if I was laying next to him I will never forget. Him grabbing my arm and telling me to close my eyes because he wanted to take my sickness with him to Heaven so I can be healed and have a great life with my kids. Then BAM.....He was gone and then it felt completely like I was preparing for a conference or a convention. I had to get paperwork in order, I had to call so and so and so and so and make sure that I didnt forget this and make sure there was a floral arrangement since it was a memorial service, make the handout brochures and have them printed and folded, get guest books and pens, grocery supplies too much for my already slipping mind to comprehend. I never got a chance to miss him or have a departure because it felt more like a business deal I was making. Just when I thought I could finally look at his flowers and miss him and have these great fond memories as all of the business dealings were done, they werent. He passed away on July 30th, why now are you calling me demanding payment. The one joyful part that does come from this is that since I was his power of attorney, it spares my mom from these calls and demands. Its not like they can take away my birthday or anything so why should I let this bother me? I am waiting for that moment when it really hits that he is gone and I can miss him like crazy and just cry it out because they are tears of sorrow instead of sit in my bed riddled with infections and my own problems and cry tears of anger. I am in charge of my emotions and who I allow to control them. I will cry this out briefly and then I will move on to my joyful place when I check in on my sleeping boys and make sure they are covered up and nestled in for the night. I can only imagine what Heaven is really like but I can tell you for those left behind, it is Hell.
Posted on: Fri, 03 Oct 2014 04:21:07 +0000
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