I am purchasing cashew nuts at a little, lonely stand whose keeper is little and looks lonely. As Im choosing the pack with the most nuts and making cashew-nutty conversation with the stand-keeper, a little, lonely-looking foreigner with only a grey vest, underwear and flip-flops approaches us. He is wet and looks distressed. I assume he is either from the ocean or he has a serious problem with his sweat glands. From his neck, a camera dangles. Around him, is the aura of midlife crisis. Ughjeijosodishsj, he says, arms akimbo and the weight of the world on his shoulders. We frown confusedly and say, Eh? Hdkoshdsjsjdjdisih, he says, arms still akimbo and the weight of the world still on his shoulders. We look at each other. The stand-keeper asks me, Huyu anasema nini? I pause to think. Nadhani anasema anataka usaidizi fulani, I respond while looking very thoughtful. Na hiyo ni lugha gani? I pause to think. Nadhani ni Danish, I make a random guess while looking very thoughtful. Dennis? Dennis ni lugha gani? I pause to think. Siko sure, I say while looking very thoughtful. The foreigner does some hand gestures and says, Ghjjjs disoshdksps phdbd. I pause to think. Do you speak English? I ask while looking very thoughtful. Ama labda amepotea, says the stand-keeper. I pause to think. Labda, I say while looking very thoughtful. The foreigner looks impatient and discontented. Yiuiwojdgdikwk oiuyis hii sooshgusisu nnnhu! he says in exasperation as he clasps his chest. I pause to think then I clasp my chest too and ask, This? while looking very thoughtful. He nods. Ah! Yuataka matiti? the stand-keeper asks. Inaonekana, I respond while now looking very slutty with my hands on my breasts and gazing intensely into the foreigners tired eyes. Xghsgsis? he asks. I nod while still looking slutty. Ah! Hivo wampa matiti ama? Sielewi. Au yuataka vitu? Si umpe basi hahaha, says the now perverted stand-keeper as he points at my crotch with his chin and grin. Weh. Mi si mcheap hivyo, I lie, while looking cheap and slutty. The foreigner comes towards me, holds my arm and starts walking me away from the stand after beckoning the stand-keeper to follow us, and I know there and then, that I must have said yes to a gang-rape-with-violence request. Gai! I say loudly. Im going to be raped in broad daylight at a little, lonely location not far from the ocean and I havent even shaved in ages. I hope I have a venereal disease. The foreigner stops and points at the ocean in the distance. Zxfgyuydh. Ah! Mi simuelewi huyu bwana. Mpeleke pale kwa ile hoteli asaidiwe huko. Sawa, I agree, relieved that I am not going to be raped and hoping that I do not have a venereal disease. I point at a hotel in the distance, then hold my breasts and gently tell him, Look, I think you are a really great guy and I absolutely love your thighs, but you and I arent gonna work right now because there is so much going on in my life at the moment. The timing is just bad. Now, go bother, frustrate and tire those guys over there with your unknown language and unknown needs. He holds his chest as well, smiles, and nods as if he understands and says, Kjygzx. He goes. Half of his underwear has disappeared between his buttocks and the weight of the world is still on his shoulders. Help a stranger today.
Posted on: Fri, 23 Jan 2015 05:49:51 +0000
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