I am reading an interesting book about regaining control of your mind... clearly, a good book, from someone who has accomplished a lot and failed in a very epic way, and a lot of his story is like mine. So, to save the details, it has been a journey today, being Family day, for me to courageously face my internal monsters and ask myself, why... And i realized something very important, and something very important that I have realized over and over again, but not given it nearly the importance that it deserves. 1. i have always gotten everywhere i have wanted to go. it happened pretty randomly in most cases.... so my challenge is how to do it masterfully, instead of feeling like I am being dragged by my heart.... my punishment, in a way, for doing something reluctantly, carrying the monsters with me, the pain and the grief..... 2. My motivation was always love.. of someone else.... or desire to get away from what I didnt want.....My location changed... and yeah, a lot of it was fun and enjoyable, even beyond amazing... Examples... work related, get out of electronics, go back to machining.... easy, done... decide I dont like the atmosphere, go back to high tech... done easily... didnt like the work hours, and tired of myopic business practice, find my spirituality, go to Bible cllege... done.. desire to see at least 1 church that actually lives the way I interpret the Bible (Ephesians... go read it) the list is endless... All of these were hollow victories but in them, some stellar moments... Iznik, the Istanbul marathon, St. Vincent de Porres church, and driving my car, with the sudden realization that I am driving on the Lon BEach formula 1 raceway. The reality is most of my successes were tainted... by stuff I had come to believe, things people had told me, but the last 4, were memories I was able to bring back by proddings of this book, and hold for more than 15 seconds. The amazing thing, this moment, was I could hold them all for much more than 15 seconds..... I could imagine wonderful things even as just today the police were at the shelter today... more drama, I could smile and thank the police officers for their fine work.... I could continue to write, and plan the things I want in my life....and more than anything, I could remember more than remember, I could experience all of the feelings that led up to the last few launches into the unknown. More than that, I can also truly face the reasons, the nutter in my head that I said no to things I actually wanted. I can do that, despite an acquaintance, Max, who will talk to EVERYONE about the conspiracies against us, and the poisons, most of which have evidence to support, and the rest well, shrugs, who cares... BEcause I can see the evidence FOR me, FOR us... for dreaming.... I can see my body reshaping itself as I do little more than rest ad listen to meditations, and read and write. I have everything I desire showing up randomly, unplanned, and better than imagined, I can feel the calmness of my mind, and feel the little monsters coming up, and then laughing about them instead of letting them hurt me... And more than anything, I can try a powerful new meditation....... you see instead of seeing someone else on the other side of what i desire, coaching me on... I can see ME doing it. powerful stuff... To quote this book... It requires power to think health when surrounded by the appearances of disease, or to think riches when in the midst of the appearances of poverty. But, he who acquires this power becomes a mastermind. He can conquer fate; he can have what he wants.” (Creating a Bug Free Mind) If I can dream of these things, achieve results from a homeless shelter filled with truly crazy people, if I can can counsel others to recognize the difference between evil and Myopia, and apply that to myself, and genuinely separate myself from my circumstances (that is, when peope are frleindly and fun, not have the little nutter say but if they knew about your home life, if they knew your past) self fulilling doom... I could instead say, but they know me.... they smile because i smile, they laugh because i laugh, and this too shall pass...... I am well on my way to being a mastermind :D
Posted on: Mon, 17 Feb 2014 19:23:56 +0000
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