I am so emotional~ I cant even stand it ~ I hope I saved something from a program I saw on TV about depression concerning Robin Williams ~ so I can share it ~ I was angry angry angry all day yesterday ~ ANGRY at people that dont get it ~ ANGRY at people who are so cold & callus to others pains ~ ANGRY at people for their gossips & judgements ~ ANGRY just ANGRY ~ When all of a sudden ~ I realized in my ANGER as so called friends came to my mind ~ who have literally abandoned me during the most difficult times in my life these last longgggg years ~ I realized seriously realized ~ as I thought of funny talented people I know who I felt might need encouragement ~ that the very people Ive been ANGRY with ~ hmmmm they might struggle with depression also ~ duh ~ Just because we laugh & smile & wear cute clothes & make people laugh & are on the gogogo constant ~ Just because we get facials ~ eye lash eXtentioNs ~ Botox ~ Doesnt mean people are not suffering right before your very eyes ~ Pray everyone for discernment ~ wisdom & to be sensitive to others ~ to be that LIGHT in anothers life ~ I cannot tell you the countless times suicide crosses my mind ~ Yet I push & fight through the pains of being completely alone in my life with literally no family ~ i do NOT myself personally KNOW of anyone ever that I have ever known who has literally no family ~ That wakes up one day at 48 years young to discover all as they once knew it ~ was gone in literally a instant ~ I literally went through a season of pure raw hate for most people ~all made me sick ~ when memories of so called friends crossed my mind ~ for how many used abused me ~ for their own sick selfish needs ~ But praise GOD I didnt stay in the mire of hate to long because Im not going to allow the few to hurt my opinions of the masses~ Again as Im coming out of my own dark places ~ I now can see where maybe the ones I was hating on ~ were in all actuality coming out ~ going in or already in their own mire of hate ~ depression & pain ~ Im still hating on some but its more for their gossip ~ judgement & fake ~ but as I grow through my own hate ~ depressions & pains I see that truly the one who judges ~ gossips & is fake ~ is also depressed & in pain or they would not be behaving that way ~ Life & People are very complex ~ but our Hearts dont have to be ~ when our security comes from the LORD ~ we wont have expectations then from people because we are getting our needs met from the LORD ~ Then we can truly LOVE others freely with no agenda except to love them genuinely ~ hate & hurts fade away when living like that ~ I know because many years ago it was the only way I lived ~ Im working so hard to get back to the way I use to live but as layers are pulled back & things surface in my therapy ~ anger ~ hurt ~ hate arises ~ again & again giving me chances for more growth in forgiveness ~ love & letting go ~ its time consuming & exhausting but its setting me free ~ No one really knows me or what all my journey has been ~ not even my closest of friends have really any clue ~ My therapist is getting to know me & is helping me more than anything ~ validating me where others once invalidated me constant ~ Im learning to LOVE but with Boundaries ~ So ~ Reach out & give another a smile ~ a kind word ~ be sincere ~ As the bible teaches that flattery is deceitful ~ deceit is not pretty & it is very damaging ~ so find a honest kind word to speak to another & give a smile ~ I can say from the bottom of my Heart that many a day~ it was all that kept me going ~ was your kind words & smiles ~ Dont ever forget how much you matter & how your life is impacting another ~ more than you could ever possibly know probably ~ so make it be a GOOD IMPACT ~ blessings ~ xo
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 17:10:44 +0000
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