I am so very guilty of this. Reading it was like an outside looking in type thing. There are times when Im in a fit, and lash out at my kids. Whether its something they know better about or not, they do not deserve my tirades. There have been times I can feel myself, hear myself, how outlandish I must sound. I let my own frustrations and worries interfere with the time I have w/ my babies. Work, bills, my own loneliness, or disappointment in other people. Friends, men, regrets...I could go on for hours. But NONE OF THAT deserves my time & energy. THEY DO. So when theyre cutting up, or smarting off, my release is to yell. Ive never been one to spank or hit really. But regardless, this is NOT OKAY. Anyone who knows me, knows I love my kids more than my own life itself. Im even struggling w/ the fact that my daughter is 16 next month. She would rather go to the mall, or go to her high schools fball game. She has a boyfriend. She is so damned beautiful, it scares me. My son, my baby boy, is nearly 11 1/2. He plays Xbox, stays outside playing football. He doesnt like my kisses anymore. What happened to my little ones? Oh, Ill get a glimpse every now and then. When they lay close to me, send me pics or texts to remind me of a movie, song, or some other thing thats special to us. Or the way they call me Mama. Bottom line, TOMORROW is NEVER promised! And I do not want, (God forbid) something to happen to any of the three of us, and our last memory is of us arguing, or me yelling. This story, and remembering the looks on their faces in times past, is really tugging at me right now. So, I start today. I dont wanna be the Orange Rhino anymore. God forgive me please, and help my children to forgive me, and to know their Mommy loves them, and is so very sorry. Amen #Jazz #NickNick
Posted on: Wed, 04 Dec 2013 02:11:13 +0000
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