I am turning 50 in two month’s time and what is life? – As I See It – zamyahaya I still remember what I did around my 17th birthday in 1980, right after SPM me and two other friends cycled to PD spent a night and cycled back the next day…hey, how are you Sallehuddin and Jali Melan? Remember the “crazy” ride? On my 30th birthday I tried to cycle alone to PD and plan to meet a friend who will drive there. But I hardly made it to Seremban before my legs gave way. Lucky she was still in KL and reachable through house phone and fetch me at Seremban back to KL, hey Anita, where on earth are you now? I got married 2 years later….And on my 40th birthday I was at Hard Rock Café singing my hearts out on stage with NRG Band like no tomorrow, the song “It’s my life its now or never…I am gonna live forever….” and the song “The Other Side” by Red Hot Chilly Pepper……How long, how long when I slide….separate my side…I don’t…..oh my…I got even with Harith Iskandar…half of Hard Rock KL was my party! 5 years later I got into UM business school…..influenced by no other than Dr. Jamaluddin Yunos, hi sir!, you did changed the direction of my life! Today and the last 2 days I have been trapped or confined at home and can hardly walk due to a little “twist” near my ankle. Nothing much can be achieved except lots of readings and writings to fill up the time. Is that an achievement? Well, I have to work almost everyday in trying to meet my daily obligations towards myself, my family and god. Is life is about meeting all these obligations and commitments and is meeting all these obligations considered and achievement? To some or to most people it does. To me, I don’t want to live day by day just to meet these obligations till the day I die. Generally or optimistically I have the most 25 years to achieve what I want to achieve. It’s a long time indeed, much longer than my wasted bachelor days of around 12 years. The benchmark is when I read about 80 year old Japanese man made it to the top of Everest recently. Five years ago I thougfht I had 30 years and I have achieved what I wanted to achieve 5 years ago within 4 ½ years. But things are not progressing as I planned the last 6 months. Perhaps it would, upon my convocation next month, insyaallah. However, there are more than these obligations that I have in mind to pursue and achieve from time to time. There is a list of personal and societal achievement both physical and emotional and perhaps spiritually and in order to attain all these in the same order, I need time, money and off course good health. Or which one comes first? Good health, time or money? Health is wealth, true but being healthy and broke is not healthy too…..In order to achieve good health I need money too, nothing much are free. Quit smoking is free, exercise and cycling to workplace is free, good sleep and rest is free, elimination and avoidance of stress elements are free, to crack silly jokes and laugh louder than the audience is free, good air is free and clean water is almost free while my favourite vegetables, ulam ulam and fruits are getting more and more expensive, fish are much more expensive than chicken let alone all the food supplements and wellness products which becomes the bottom of the priority list while skin care is out of the list long ago……with regards to affordability less all other obligations. Though I am a strong proponent of Islamic economic philosophy, I do agree with Adam Smith theory at times, especially on limited resources to meet evergrowing demands……what I never agree with economist is they always use the assumption of “all other aspects remain constant” or the “ceteris paribus” stuffs……….no such things…. Shall I catch fish on my own with the open sea right in front of my house? Well, the 20 metre pukat tarik cost RM 400 and investment will be paid off in less than 3 months, not bad…… Or shall I rare them so that I can pick one or two a day or shall I grow the ulam ulam and fruits such as papaya myself? Why not?!!! Anthony Robbins in his book “The Unlimited Power” and the “Awakening Giant Within” stated that people do things or achieved great things due to two factors, either desire for pleasure or elimination of fear. The higher the desire for the pleasure or the higher the fear, the higher a person gets motivated. Talk about desire for pleasure, I have achieved almost everything that man wanted to, been there, have those and done that although I can hardly afford it all anymore but fortunately I have lost almost all the desire for such pleasure and comfort. Not even the desire to dress up or being flamboyant as I used to, many many years ago. Or could it be due to fear factor? Fear of what then, since I feel that I am not afraid of anything anymore could it be hantu or jembalang or even fear of sudden death or fear of being rejected. I am not too sure which level I am now with regards to the hierrachy of needs, it fluctuates though. I guess I am only afraid it I fall sick, not fall dead. I told that to an insurance agent many years ago………Not being able to walk properly is really bothering my mind since I am a person who cannot sit still, but at least I can read and write a lot. So, is it the emotional fear of not being able to fulfil all my obligations or fear of not having enough time to achieve what I planned in the next 5 years? If I die then the fear factor is totally neutralized but worst case if I fall sick and live the next 25 years, what can I do? Well, it depends on whether my brain is still functioning or not and which part of my organs that is malfunctioning….no legs? Cannnot walk, still okay, cannot talk, that’s stressful, no fingers to hit the keyboard is equally bad, loss of vision to read is worst or lost of hearing is worst than losing my vision? How to argue or grumble if I can’t hear, or would it be fun having the immunity from being verbally abused? he he he….hu hu hu…. ha ha ha…I can’t hear you...that would be nice. What are the possibilities to lose one of that? Could it be high blood pressure, diabetic, heart problem, stroke, kidney problem or being struck by a lorry on the way cycling to work? Seriously thinking of walking instead of cycling coz each time I walk, I can hardly reach a kilometer before someone offered me a ride, most of the time on motorbikes and at this sub-urban place called Seberang Balok, no helmet is not really an issue for a 3 to 4 km ride……I have been cycling the last 18 months and most passers by know me already but I felt bad I can’t remember most of their names………..what a typical choleric-sanguine I am! No crazy plan yet on what to do on my 50th birthday this November 13th……. Any idea Yem? Dzul?
Posted on: Fri, 13 Sep 2013 12:00:11 +0000
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