I am very happy,peaceful,content and without any hint of restlessness about anything in my life,that of my son,family,surroundings,and EVERYTHING.I know this might sound controversial to others,perhaps even arrogant to others,but its fine by me,we are all entitled to our interpretaions,but I think my Spiritual journey is COMPLETE,I dont have questions about anything,including God. Ive always had a tricky and difficult relationship with God from my early teens.Despite a relatively good life I had at Jevington farm,I was aware of the extreme poverty of children from neighbouring farms who came to Jevington farm for their primary schooling,and I couldnt understand WHY God The Almighty allowed this? Yes,my mother,who was the church elder at our Methodist church did her best to give answers,explaining how God answered things at His own time,but I was not conviced. And of course,at this period,I also had personal challenges,I was diagnosed with rheumatic fever around the age of 7,and for many yrs,I was a regular at the Cardiology clinic in Bloemfontein,some 90 kms from Jevington farm,me my mother hiking all the way to Bloem,and this is probably were my lifelong passion of giving others a hike was natured,I have given strangers lifts at all places,sometimes I would give a hike to someone somwhere in Venda,and because of language barriers,we would hardly understand anything for a journey stretching like 5O kms!...something of a torture to a babber-beck like myself. And whilst I was dealing with the rheumatic fever setback,and I will be so afraid when on some visits to Pelonomi,the nursing sisters there will tell me,Monare,you must drink your tablets according to instructions every day,remember that boy,Mohokare from Ficksburg,he died last month and we suspect he didnt take his medication properly. Banna!..this is serious mos!there is a real possiblity of me,Tlhabi Monare,dying NOW!...God,where are YOU? In form 1,teachers and fellow students made me aware of yet another problem,I was speaking like girls,and while other teachers were sensitive,one or two others would once in a while join learners when they laughed at my girlish voice,even when I have answered correctly,even when I was the only one who gave the correct answer,and saving the whole class from being cained.Maybe the cain could have been better than being the laughing stock of the whole class and the teacher? And when I was alone,I would ask God,what have I done to deserve all these?...I got no answers,and by 14-15 yrs I was already an atheist even before I read anything about atheism,there was simply no God or ONLY a cruel and unfair God. Fast forward everything to today,Im at Peace with God,maybe even more so than many devout christians who pray 4-5 times a day thanking and asking God for all kinds of blessings. Like everybody and every creature on planet earth,I continue to experince joys and challenges,with rheumatic fever and the girlish voice long solved one way or the other,new challenges and setbacks have accompanied me on my 46 yrs journey;stolen car,divorce,death of a beloved daughter,and surely there will still be more as long as I am on this earth,there is no escaping them. But the most amazing thing now,with my Spiritual maturity where Im at Peace with God,with the world,is that I actually realise that by and large,I have had a wonderful time here,and continues to have an amazing existence,I now know and appreciate that God doesnt owe me anything/favours,but just creating conducive conditions for me to be here is ENOUGH,the rest is up to me to make whatever interpretations I want about everything. So my final interpretations,my final spiritual journey,is that I dont ask God anything,and this gives me the most amazing calmness,knowing that God will NEVER disappoint me,Im just happy and content to say Thank Yo for everything,Amen.#How Beautiful is this friends?#
Posted on: Thu, 17 Jul 2014 04:11:47 +0000