I am writing at 2am, not posting at that hour…..so many feelings and emotions coursing through my being…..today our Aden is 6 and we are approaching his 2 year anniversary of running safely into the arms of God his father. Today it is not the constant tears, but there are tears, it is not the constant absent feeling, but absence is felt. Shopping at Costco on Saturday I caught sight of a young boy about 6 or 7 , fiery red hair, harassing his sister…..yes those are some of the moments when I just get wrapped up in the feelings. So amidst those feelings and emotions as we are celebrating his birthday with wonderful friends and family, a new life relationship event happens. My granddaughter, twice child of mine, Aden’s big sister gets proposed to and accepts that proposal and now has a ring on her hand and a date in her mind and a new path in her life. The happiness and sad seems to mingle together and it is such an amazing thing, how one heart can contain so much feeling and emotion that absolutely transcends all other things for a moment in time is beyond my understanding. There are things at the office that need addressed, there are relationships that need tending too, and there is celebration to participate in. There are new goodbyes to be walked through, all of that in the course of a 24 hour period. And so tonight sleep is hard, the loss is real, the happiness is filled with joy, and time well it just is and I cannot stop it nor can I reset it, all I can do is relinquish the need to control it and move into that sweet place of surrendering, which will indeed take me into accepting and allow myself to move then into a place of peace and joy. No longer do those complex emotions have to be stuffed or denied but they can be fully felt, and the release comes in the expression of them. All of them! I put my face up and my hands are raised in sweet surrender and say “Thank you Father for your abundance of feelings and emotions and thanks for allowing me to experience them all.”
Posted on: Wed, 24 Dec 2014 16:16:11 +0000
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