I apologize, but, this will likely be a longer than intended message. You should not be surprised by that, given that its me. I wanted to say thank you to all of my friends and family for the constant support over these last few dark days. There are so many of you that have sent me words of encouragement and love that there is no way I can respond to each and every one individually. All I can really say is how humbled I am to know that you would take the time to do that for me. Its just remarkable. Today, we laid my sweet girlfriend, companion, best friend, partner in crime, Charity A. Schmitt to rest. To say the very least, it was beautiful...just like her. I wanted to recognize her family for their inclusion of me in these proceedings. Although I was never formally in the family through marriage, that just really doesnt matter to them...they told me I am part of their family and I always will be. That, my friends, is beyond anything I could ever repay. ------- Although the severity of this bereavement is extreme, there were quieter times that Charity and I talked of this day. We talked of it, as we talked of all things, with honesty and frankness. One time, in the ICU at Abbott-Northwestern Hospital, we were sitting holding hands, tubes and pumps and drips, and beeps, with the smell of hospital all around and the quiet that descends upon the starkness and potential reality of near mortality, gripping us in this sort of daze. It was just her and I and she said that she was very scared. I told her that I was too but that I would be there for her as long as she needed me. I would see this to the end for what she had done for me was far greater than what I could do for her. She began to ask me, concerned for me as an agnostic, how do I cope with this? How would I cope with tragedy if something were to happen? After all, she said, We have Jesus and Christianity that teaches us the principals we live by which help guide us through something like this. I told her that my definition of agnosticism might be strange to people but, basically, I am someone who has never taken comfort in the unknown. I told her that what I can know about the natural world comforts me more. Its my lack of understanding supernatural things and my honesty with people that makes me at peace with this worldview. I went on to say that one time I had read something that a physicist might say at a funeral and it made me feel better. I told her that we are all made up of the same things that stars are made of...I said that at some future date, scientists predict that our sun will become so cool that it will expand so far, that Earth will become engulfed within, returning every molecule on Earth, including ours, back into star stuff and every person I ever loved and I would be together again. She liked Catholicism better, she said, but was glad I could manage to find some comfort somehow. I then told her that people like you are made from the very heart of stars...the brightest and the best star stuff make up the best people here on Earth. She did like that part :). I then told her of some of the bravest words I had ever read in Randy Pauschs book, The Last Lecture. And how he taught me that we can not change the cards we are dealt, only the way we play our hand. Charity took that to heart and is teaching me today that those are words I need to remember as I move forward. Charity taught me lots of lessons...I really am worthy of love...love is best when it is unconditional...and some German food is really not that bad :). Having this opportunity to journey with her hasnt always been beautiful but it was a beautiful ride. It always reminded me of the book of Corinthians, where it suggests that the greatest gifts of life are faith, hope and charity (or love)...but the greatest is charity. For me and those who knew her...yes she was. Thanks again and I hope to see you down the road someday...when the sun comes back out and its bright and shiny.
Posted on: Sat, 29 Mar 2014 20:25:53 +0000
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