I break my own heart, have my hopes held high, then I hang my head down low and let out a sigh. It should always be expected, it never is a surprise, I reckon people wonder why a fella like me even tries. I never fuss, I never pout, but its so hard to keep going when I am constantly shot with doubt. It seems that my self confidence was lost along the way, but through each and every day, I almost always seem to know just what to do, just what to say, life is not a game but yet it seems so full of play. Sometimes you get and sometimes you get got, usually I get got, more often than not. Every day it sucks, in this life so much and so many trying to knock me down, but I try to keep my head held high with a smile, not a frown. I know I am weird, I know I am strange, but I just want to be accepted, I shouldnt be expected to change. I have a heart bigger than the sky above, full of kindness and full of love. I truly believe the reason that I live, is to do for others, to help and give. It might not show but as time goes on it continues to grow, that is, the abundance of hurt that I have inside, all of which I try my best to hide. At this time in life its clear from every angle, I am suffocated, smothered and caught up in a tangle. To an extent I want to vent, but I dont know where to begin, It sometimes seems I am far beyond broken and worn thin. I have reached an all time low, all things seeming like a total blow, the hurt just seems to build up, to grow, all because my heart is hurting and what I do and dont deserve, anymore I just dont know. Some would see that as weakness, but I believe it to be strong, that I have made it this far, held on for so long. I cant place the blame, I cant point the finger, all that I can do is persevere through the hurt that continues to linger. I just keep on keeping on, putting the hurt aside, going about life with my arms open wide, thats what always seems to get me through, for those I care about there isnt anything I wouldnt do. For everyone in my life I wouldnt hesitate to make any sacrifice, if its going to benefit them, I will gladly go ahead and pay the price. The happiness of others is what matters most to me, but I cant help but sometimes wonder, what about me? I convince myself its selfish, to think about myself, but am I going to be that wine bottle that for so long just sits on the shelf. Sweet, smooth and refreshing and gets better with age, does that refer to me or am I just going through a stage. But again I refer back to what keeps me on track, if only I never needed rest and could always do my best, to bring smiles to faces and plenty of traces, of happiness and love, along with the encouragement to always seek our gracious Lord above. I need to be an example and right now I am failing, my faith always has the lead but right now I am trailing. I need to step it up, I need to shift, I need to allow the fog to lift so that I can continue on with clarity, seeing clear, living my life in faith, not in wonder, not in fear.
Posted on: Thu, 30 Oct 2014 20:53:38 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015