I can hear your tears through your laughter! Said Dr. Grewall during my visit! Her concerns have been depression. Me! Really! You are not talking to me! I am a strong strong woman doctor. And I have faced so many many things and dealt with them all head on! Full steam ahead! Oh dont worry about me...I can handle everything...and I hug her and turn and walk out the door....in my car...I pause...before I turn the key....wait...wait...maybe just a tiny second here...yes...maybe I am depressed...just a little...layer after layer of life happens...and while some layers we add to our protective coat...are thicker than others...that coat gets heavy...so much to worry about, so many to care for, so many things one has no control over...I have had situational stress written on my list of things wrong with me for years...well since my daddy got sick with his first heart attack. Situational stress...and before one situation ended another would start...layer, layer, layer...also part of my weight issues....layer after layer...after layer...another on my list of what is wrong with me...I do not want to be depressed...and I will not take medication for it...so I must deal....just like each of you do daily...we all deal...sleepless nights...I have...like tonight....John Boy says if I had nothing to worry about I still would...oh please...give me that day...please...worry free..why even the nurse that checked my blood pressure was talking about beheading! Beheading is now in our daily vocabulary...are you kidding me? There is a Rochester connection....really? Our local news, our state news, our national news all make me worry...I worry about my husband, children and grandchildren, and I worry about my business, I worry about the farm, the house, I worry about my friends, and I worry about my neighbors! I worry about bills, I worry about about the weather...I have tried so hard to cut back on care giving of so many others to care for me...to keep me strong...but it just doesnt work! There are so many in need...I guess that adds up to being depressed...and as I turn on the key...and drive home...no music in the car...just me...and my thoughts...I wonder...when will this all get better....and realize...that is the number one issue ....it just doesnt...does it! So yes...there maybe tears but I still laugh ...and that in the end...is what is important...laughter...so I seek out that which will make me happy...and writing this just did...thanks for reading it...and dont turn off the music...turn it on and loud! It will help...
Posted on: Fri, 19 Sep 2014 07:21:17 +0000
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