I can understand that performance arts featuring real needles through flesh,and a little blood can be something that just isnt for you. Lord knows Ive seen my fair share of cringeworthy shows, and I have my levels of NOPE just like everyone else. That being said, it has come to my attention that the needle-plumes and pincushion acts I perform are raising quite a fuss among the masses, and Im being flooded with negative remarks about it, People accusing me of mutilating myself and marking up my body being a disgusting and gross act, and shame on me, and why did you do this to yourself you need help remarks are really unwarranted. Im not presenting these acts to shock, disgust or terrify anyone. The presentation is romantic, empowered and highly artistic. It takes a lot of strength to dance through that, and many are not up for the task. I feel more strength in those needles than I do in my own ability as a performance artist. Just because Im not Lucy for a night-doesnt mean Im a lost cause and there are voices out there treating me as such. Im not desecrating my body. Im decorating it. For the last 7 months Ive been through hell and back, completely out of control of my own body, sick to death, mentally and emotionally drained from dealing with it. The only thing that brings me total control and makes me feel completely immortal- is electing to have these needles put into me, and wandering the room with my new wings. My mind is ascended with those wings. All the self loathing, all the emotional distress of watching my body fall to pieces, feeling sick every day and terrified of what medical woes tomorrow will bring- it all stops. All that exists is that sharpness forced into my mind. I feel immortal, invincible, and clearheaded for the first time in ages. That feeling is all I can hold on to for sanitys sake. It feels beautiful, it makes me feel beautiful, and it kills off everything else flooding my head. I feel peace through that pain. Let me have this. Let me have this without feeling ashamed in myself or that Im letting people down. I have strived for over a decade to bring funny and entertaining acts to the stage and now I have something that makes me smile. The negative remarks and rude comments need to stop. You might not like it, but I do. You dont have to look. You can just keep scrolling and forget it in the morning. In my world, in my own romantic idealism, I found real beauty and it has nothing to do with makeup or costume or being entertaining. It binds both my own mythology and what lies underneath into one cohesive essence, right down to the blood dripping off of my skin and I am empowered through it. Im putting this energy on stage. You can choose whether or not to like it. But Ill be god damned if Im going to let anyone make me feel ashamed in myself for loving it. If its just not for you, then maybe its just for me. DROPS MIC
Posted on: Sat, 26 Jul 2014 08:53:36 +0000
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