I cannot think of a better time to air this comment...of course with respect for Robin Williams....Yes I suffered from depression... That may not come as a surprise to some people who know me well and indeed I have never hidden the fact... My diagnosis was made following my first round of brain surgery and as much as I was assured that it was as a direct result of the initial growth in the brain and not helped by the slicing and dicing that occurred...The diagnosis as much as it was welcomed...did not lessen the impact of the symptoms. Panic attacks followed by agoraphobia followed by a deep depression. How does this veil of darkness confront a relatively young and healthy person??? In the wash up...the hows, whys and wheres are really not that important... as the day to day struggles of then... were replaced with the overriding need to dig myself out of this hole when the cloudless days finally occurred. My initial problems arrived at a time when mental health did not share the spot light it so rightly enjoys today, and sceptics and fear were the normal reaction I confronted, in even the most closest relatives and friends. While I was struggling to comprehend my own plight...I understand that those around me were struggling with the persona change in me... It has been a long haul that has taken close to 25 years to overcome (or control) and there have been many personal casualties and bad decisions made along the way...Yes I harbour deep regrets for some things...but looking backwards has no positive function other than to learn from the mistakes made... We all have day to day issues and like most I have responsibilities. I have a family, a business, animals and a bank account that at times can cause concern and these life issues can cast extreme worry on even the strongest. Depression is certainly different to that and is indeed a darkness that knows no bounds. The brain, while a very handy tool can be a dreaded enemy at times and a very cruel master. The mental side of things can spiral to a degree where physical changes are also a factor. I remember a doctor once asking me if I had ever had thoughts of suicide and my reply was... that yes I had indeed entertained those thoughts...but the good days...the non dark days... allowed me to pull back from that abyss. I guess for some and indeed for Robin Williams...those clear days never arrived. For me...my life and mind is now is in a good place (apart from the pesky tumours that keep reappearing)... I live in a rural environment that is right for me. I have a wife and daughter who are patient caring and can instil a warm feeling and place a smile on my face without even trying. I now could genuinely care less about how I am viewed by others in this world and live my life for my girls and of course me. I now dont sweat the small stuff, or worry about material things and I do take the time to stop and smell the roses....but of course I still get cranky and cannot suffer fools, wankers and try hards...I am resigned to that!!! Even my ongoing medical issues are no longer a concern to me...and at times provide light relief for me, the girls and my closest friends. The aftermath of depression can be a life strengthening journey with many positives and does not always end up as we have witnessed on the news today. As I have stated elsewhere in this post...I have no issues with coming out and stating my issues...I never have hidden them. The purpose of my post is to utilise the timing of Robin Williams death to at least take some positives out of his passing and to ensure that people know that THEY ARE NEVER ALONE and a simple call to organisations such as Beyond Blue or an understanding friend could be the turning point that may prevent you and your family from enduring the most severe form of the Black Dog......Dont hide your pain!!!
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 02:10:18 +0000
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