I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart) I am never without it (anywhere I go you go) - Your wound is where the light enters me. It is my journey, and mine alone ~ The waves or the roller coaster rides of grief are real ~ • The “fog” lifts and it hurts more than when I was in that “fog.” • Most of the time I have to be alone for it is in that solitude that I begin to see myself as I am today ~ changed, different Talking to anyone is very very difficult for me • Crying is not a weakness ~ it is OK to cry ~ to be sad ~ • No one grieves in the same way. • Reading about grief is a “tool” that enable me to handle most days • • There is NO timeline in grief ~ “it takes as long as it takes” to accept the loss. • Music is healing sometimes ~If your mind can take it. I have too many to name; If You Came Back From Heaven by Lorrie Morgan, and Christina’s favorite If I Die Young . I play this song all the time in remembrance of what Christina wanted at her Mass ~ and YES, I did cry. • Art is healing ~ I like my colored pencil/marker coloring ~ so is making candles, pottery, embroidery, mosaic. • Trying something new (learning to play my favorite musical instrument) is something for the future. I cannot bring myself to hold the instrument. I cannot bring myself to go back to studying Spanish and going abroad to continue this effort. • Allowing myself to mourn is good • Significant dates, holidays, or other reminders can trigger feelings related to my loss ~I cannot acknowledge these Holidays, and have not done so for many many years. I cry constantly. I make and light candles every day for Christina. She has not missed having a special candle since she left us. There are bad days and worse days on this journey. My health is not the best ~ I am managing the best way that I can ~ I cannot eat, food just is not appealing to me. I still cannot remember the good times, the painful reality years, and the last six months of Christina’s life and her journey is embedded in my brain. youtube/watch?v=T3PDbvm7GtI I am still (and always will be) in mourning for the devastating loss of my daughter Christina. One day I may be able to write my story, but today it is too soon.
Posted on: Mon, 03 Nov 2014 18:13:28 +0000
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