I cried myself to my eyes destruction this morning yet I felt a cold downpour on my soul. I am having my worst depressive episode since this condition began but I feel happy. I found refuge in MY GOD. He can and He will move majestic mountains, pacify stormy seas, and blow gloomy clouds over our heads just to find me and comfort me in this dark time. My Lord, You raised yourself from the grave. You triumphed over death. If death was of no effect to you, then I know that these depressive attacks are no match to Your power. You are my God. You did not design everything, You did not set everything in its place for me just to see me suffer. You are my home. You are the shelter of my soul. I will not kill myself. I would hate to see my mother broken and my sister torn from that sin. I am strong. I am strong for Father, You are with me. You are always by my side. You will never leave me though I am imperfect. You surrendered Your Son for my sake. That mere fact makes me feel special and unforgotten. I surrender all of my hearts troubles to You. You know better that I. I will not tell You how to help me for you already know my hearts cries and you know better than what my brain can even comprehend. You are mighty. And with you by my side, then no trouble can ever touch me again. As I am typing this, there is trust growing inside of me. It slowly blossoms like a fragile seedling in spring. I know my Father will never let anything bad happen to me. I am special, we all are. Things happened the way that they did because He willed it. We are already equipped to face this tragic and harsh world even before we were born. Even before we were mortally conceived, we were already in His mind. And in all of that preparation for our coming into this world, I dont think that our God just wanted to hurt us and bring us pain in the end. No. We are being strengthened. We are like swords being thrown into a fiery pit just to make us stronger, sharper, and set for forever. I am looking into my heart and it cries for help. God is answering through my family and friends. He uses them to wake me, shake me, and take me to highs my spirit had never found before. I thank you Father. You are trying to save me...AND IT IS WORKING. :)
Posted on: Tue, 06 Jan 2015 20:49:51 +0000
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