I did not wake up a happy man today! Being gassed in your sleep would make anyone very unhappy. So here is the rundown, For a few years the cleaning staff that this one company hires which is hired by OCH (Ottawa Community Housing) (My Landlord) hires uses industrial strength cleaning sprays that are meant to be diluted before use. Well, these cleaning staff do not diluted the spray; so you can already imagine how strong that might smell. But, they do not stop there, You know what they do? They spay the god damn stuff into the air as if it were an air freshener! I, along with many other tenants would understandably complain about this to the landlord; You would expect that they would deal with the issue right? Thats exactly what they said, EVERY DAMN TIME I EFFING CALLED! Ever since I moved in this was a problem, I moved in about 3 years ago. Well, It has gotten progressively worse over those years, but today, Today theyve really done it! Before, I would be able to just place a towel at the base of my door, and/or have a fan running facing towards the door. That would usually keep the chemical gasses out of my unit! But today! NO... None of that EFFING WORKED! This time was so EFFING BAD! that I fell out of my bed whilst trying to get up! So bad that I could see for for about 2 mins! So EFFING BAD THAT I COULDNT EFFING BREATH! IN MY OWN EFFING HOME!!!! Right now at this moment it is taking all my energy not to swear! Or worse not to get violent! Today, is going to be a tiring day for me! Having to struggle to stay your hand would be very tiring indeed. But, you know what? I have come a long way. From giving to every whim, every feeling. Before I would punch the first person I saw when I would this damn angry, to staying my hand until I saw a person with some sort of authoritative power, usually a police officer. Then being able to stay me hand indefinitely until I just couldnt take it any more and just exploding on ANYONE who upset me even if it was just something tiny, that no one to get that upset over. And now, Being able to recognize a trigger, and calm myself down. With the worst being screaming, but that is only when I get really upset like with this incident. Usually I would just take a few deep breaths and seclude myself from everybody until I knew I was able to be civil. I am 25 years old now, I have learned to manage my anger without outside help. I am proud of myself. It took awhile, maybe it would have happened sooner if I wasnt so afraid to accept outside help. But with my past, you cant blame me for being so mistrustful of humans, to the extent that I am unwilling to accept help when I need it. Or even when I WANT it. Now that I have accomplished anger management, and before you say anything, Yes I do realize that there is still a lot to be learned about this or anything. Im not saying Well, Im done, theres no need to learn now. No, I am not stupid, I know that you can never stop learning. I know that if your close your mind out from accepting new knowledge you will become weak. (this is not what I mean, I just dont know how to articulate it better) But Im sure you get the drift. I hope. Again I dont know how to articulate this next thought but here it is. I guess what I saying is knowledge is power. No thats not what I want to say... You know what Ill stop here, I know what I mean, but have absolutely no idea how to put it to words so that I may discuss this with others. Ive never been able to articulate my thoughts well. Part of the reason I dont like to talk much. I hope was using articulate correctly. Wow, How did this go from complaining about the cleaning staff at my apartment building to talking about myself? Well, when in doubt, just go with the flow. If you have read my rant this far, then I must ask you this, Are you just reading this for the sake of reading it, or do your really care about what I have to say? Well either way if you choose to comment would you mind start it off with progress If your wondering why I chose progress as the keyword, I just reread this post and pulled the word out of the air.
Posted on: Thu, 24 Oct 2013 16:21:07 +0000
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