I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone what happened to me. I know my grandma knew. She walked in one time, but pretended she didn’t see. She closed the door and followed me outside when he was done and told me to stop crying. She would always say things like, “what happens in this house, stays in this house.” That was way back, I knew no one would believe me and my grandparents made sure to remind me of that. Back in those days everyone went to the boarding schools, I was happy when I got sent away. I was probably about 8 years old, my Grandpa was Chairman of the Papagos back then, that’s when they still called us Papagos. He wasnt a good man like everyone thought he was. I was just a little girl when he started to put his hands between my legs. Every summer I would get sent to their house. Back in those days the grandparents raised their grandchildren. Most of my friends were excited about going to stay with their grandparents but I knew what was waiting for me when I got there. I was about 10 or 11 years old when he raped me. I still remember it, you know after all these years I can still smell my grandpa on top of me? I’m an old lady now and sometimes I’ll meet someone who has that same scent. I was so afraid for my daughter when she was growing up. I never let her leave my side even with my late husband. He’s been gone for quite some years and I never trusted him alone with our daughter even though I loved him, I loved my daughter more. You have a daughter, you know? My grandpa stopped climbing on top of me after my sister turned about 10 years old. He told me I was getting too old for him. I saw myself in my sister, everything that happened to me, happened to her. I cried for her, but who would’ve believed us? I remember one time, after my grandpa was done she kept crying. She cried and cried and it woke me up. I told her “stop your crying, what happens in this house stays in this house.” I became my grandma that night. I’ve been carrying all of this guilt, my whole life. She drank herself to death in that wash right there. It’s my fault you know? We could’ve ran away together. After all these years, I still think about her and I still cry for her.” ---an excerpt from WarStories of RezBabes
Posted on: Thu, 18 Dec 2014 18:53:10 +0000
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