I dug up this exchange I had last month with the tenacious Internet sales force of Gary Crossley Ford in Kansas City, Missouri. I thought you might enjoy it... FROM: Ashley TO: Kristian Hi Edwin, Maybe you already spoke to Lisa and if so, I apologize for the duplication. I just wanted to make sure you got all the information you needed. Lisa was going to give you a call, is (816) 781-2238 the best number to reach you during the day? Thank you, Ashley Customer Relations Representative Gary Crossley Ford ******** FROM: Kristian TO: Ashley You can call me any time. But do me a favor. When you give me a call, could you also let me know that my email address is not what I think my email address is, so that some innocent guy in Texas will stop getting a bunch of emails from a car dealership in Missouri? Thanks! Sincerely, Not Edwin ******** FROM: Ashley TO: Kristian Hi Edwin, I just wanted to follow up and make sure Lisa got you all the information you needed; did Lisa contact you? Thanks, Ashley Customer Relations Representative Gary Crossley Ford ******** FROM: Kristian TO: Ashley Hello again, Ashley! So good to hear from you once more. I was worried that my reply to your last email, wherein I informed you that I am not, in fact, this Edwin person might have persuaded you not to contact me again. Im very happy that it hasnt. So how are things? Ive been doing pretty well not being Edwin, myself. Work is kind of a pain right now, but what can you do? Vaudeville performers just arent that in demand anymore, and I have 17 hungry ferrets to feed. But I cant complain, really. The life of a traveling ferret minstrel isnt for everyone. Its more of a calling than a career, really. Anyway, I hope youre doing well. Please let me know if you need any additional information from me about the information I didnt request about the car I dont want from a dealership in a state I dont live in because Im not Edwin. Im always eager to help. Take care! Sincerely, Still Not Edwin ******** AT THIS POINT, LISA DECIDED TO GET IN TOUCH WITH ME… ******** FROM: Lisa TO: Kristian Edwin Just wanted to drop a quick line and find out if there are any more questions I can answer for you concerning the 2014 Ford Explorer you inquired about? Lisa Sales Consultant Gary Crossley Ford 8050 N Church Rd garycrossleyford/ ******** Hi, Lisa! I do have one quick question concerning the 2014 Explorer that you might be able to help me with. Is it possible that owning such a fine vehicle could change my life? I only ask, because everyone at your dealership is all over each other, emailing this Edwin person like hes some kind of white whale, and youre all desperate for him to speak to you about the 2014 Explorer. Unfortunately, I can only imagine what being so influential and admired must feel like, since I am not Edwin. So I was just curious if traveling from Texas to Missouri to buy this Explorer from one of your many fine salespeople who wont leave me alone about it could make me feel as special as whoever the hell Edwin is. If so - if buying this monstrosity of an automobile could gain me the respect and gravitas Ive always wanted in my life - then, please. Tell me more about the 2014 Explorer and what all I can expect to change in my life after buying one. If not, however, please stop emailing Edwin about it, because he might not be as amazing as all of you think he is, since he doesnt even know that my email address is not his email address. Sincerely, I Will Never Be Edwin ******** LISA FAILED TO REPLY, BUT I DID GET PASSED TO AMANDA… ******** FROM: Amanda TO: Kristian Hi Edwin, Amanda here on behalf of Gary Crossley Ford, just wanting to touch base with you and see if you were still interested in a new Explorer? We have some great options available for you! Please give me a call or feel free to send me an email as well! I hope to hear from you soon! Amanda CRC Agent Gary Crossley Ford 8050 N Church Rd garycrossleyford/ ******** FROM: Kristian TO: Amanda Hi, Amanda! Unfortunately, I have lost all interest in a new Explorer, since I never had any interest in a new Explorer, since Im not this Edwin person seemingly everyone at your dealership is desperate to talk to. I did almost but a Pinto once, but just before I sealed the deal, I had a falling out with the Ford motor company over a dispute involving failure to pay me for services rendered involving my juggling ferret act at one of their big corporate parties. (I juggle the ferrets. However, the ferrets do not, in fact, juggle. Because theyre ferrets.) Due to Lee Iacoccas confusion over who or what was being juggled in my act, they refused payment for a performance I gave during one of their freaky masked balls back in the 70s. It was really weird because I had to wear a blindfold and there was a lot of chanting and incense and I think Tom Cruise was there even though he wasnt famous yet, and there was a bit with a dog and...well, Id rather not talk about it. Anyway, as Ive repeatedly told several other other employees of Gary Crossley Ford, please allow me to reiterate that I am not Edwin. I am a traveling vaudevillian ferret juggling performance artist, and I have no interest in buying a car from a dealership in a state Ill never go back to after the whole Moon Pie incident of 63. Sincerely, Nope. Still Not Edwin. ******** FROM: Amanda TO: Kristian Ok great thank you for letting me know that you are not Edwin, and we will take you off our list! ******** (I replied with a simple picture message. Posted in the comment thread.)
Posted on: Wed, 01 Oct 2014 23:06:57 +0000
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