I feel hope for the first time in a long time. I was in too much pain and terror to allow myself to before. I had Faith, but wasnt sure what Gods plan was for me and was so ill all I could do was try to make it through the day. I am trying hard to figure out who I am now and what my purpose in life is. But am trying to put one foot in front of the other to see where God takes me. I realize I have been negative but its the nature of this disease and i am told by all the experts what I feel and say is perfectly normal. If I have hurt anyone with my words I am sorry . But I am so grateful to those that know my heart and soul well enough to know it wasnt me talking but the cancer and the pain and fear. And allowing me to vent and helping me to work through it. It seems I go up a few steps and slide back down a couple rungs. I fight pain and exhaustion everyday and am so unsure what to do with myself. I have missed out on YEARS with those I love and am torn with that and trying to get back to my love of art and helping with much needed revenue... I have a lot to re evaluate . But want to thank those of you that have stood by me. I have been misunderstood by some , but am realizing those didnt know my heart to begin with. So, if this comes across as negative to you I am sorry... BUT, if you feel like I am all about negativity and cant take enough time to try to relate to what I have been and am going through. PLEASE UNFRIEND me now. Though i felt ill today I pushed through and worked on art, which amazingly was the one thing that helped me to get out of bed after all this time. Only to get hurt by someone that meant a lot to me because I was misunderstood. I cannot take any more hurt, judgement or preaching. only God knows what this hell is like... So please tear the bandage off quickly and UNFRIEND me. I am trying to turn a positive corner and its all I can do to get out of bed in the morning . Having my heart hurt sets me back in ways I dont have the energy to deal with. To those of you that text or call or stop and see why I am being negative and know thats not whats in my soul thank you for loving me through it... You know who you are and I love you ! Annamarie Lacey, Barbara Zitney. Michele Kenney, Christina Kenney,Lara Lara Keene ,Lana Watson Higinbotham, Deb Holchin, Shelly Lasko Thomas, Tammy Christopher, Justi Justi Herring Laughery and too many others to type...all of you local ladies and those FB sisters of my heart. Thank you for loving me, I know it has not been easy... As I have only recently even felt human. I couldnt be a friend I could just try to live. I know you may not understand but you cared enough to try... And you are still here. I love you all!
Posted on: Tue, 18 Nov 2014 03:26:27 +0000
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