I feel like saying this, because I JUST noticed it as a self truth. I dont care who you are...I am me. Like me or do not like me. Judge me in your view of who you think I should be. But you do not nor will HOPEFULLY ever walk in my shoes. I feel very lucky to be alive today, even with my sadness that will always be with in my heart. I came very close to SOMETHING like NOT being alive. Very close. Sometimes, I still feel the fringes...the edge that hangs there, taunting me. For me the pain is everyday...this may someday NOT be true...If I stay alive between now and some day from here until 13 years from now. Then maybe...maybe some sort of healing will start to take place that makes sense in my heart. No one not ONE I mean of anyone I know knows what my life is like, nor what I feel in my heart. Some of you come close...but for those of you who find me UNLIKEABLE...I really do not give a shit. Feel that way til the day you decide it is wrong or you wish to delete me from whatever it is you think is better...because I am NOT better. I am me. I am me with flaws, and heartache. I dont always know the right way to ACT to make anyone else happy or see me as proper..This means as a Nana, Mother, Sister, Daughter or friend. I havent any apologies. I know I love. I love Lydia. I love Erin and Jakob. I love Jason, and Megan and Layla. I love Michele and Susie and Mom and Dad and Linda. I love my brothers. I love Cindy and David. I love many many people. I also wish people loved me...but they do not always. That is okay, but does not mean that my heart does not feel badly. I am just now seeing I do not have to try and make you like me. Never mind love me. The people I really care who do I know do and always will. The other people I just have to learn to accept it is that way. Try and accept me for who I am and what I live. Thanks. That is all I ask.
Posted on: Sun, 06 Jul 2014 21:32:54 +0000
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