I feel resentment towards my family for misleading me my entire life. Is that wrong? Hi there, Josh here, and the answer to this question is complicated. Arent the answers to most good questions? Yes, and no. Its only natural to not like being lied to, but if your family is full of real believers in one religion or another, its important to keep in mind that they probably did have nothing but the best intentions in mind when they tried to instill those beliefs in you. Is it a lie to tell someone something untrue, if you genuinely believe it to be true? Were getting into philosophy here, but Im going to go ahead and say No. When your mother and father (or whatever you had) told you that there was a god above you, and that he loved you, they were probably just trying to give you the same comfort in those beliefs that they took in them, themselves. Is it misguided? Yeah, probably - chances are your parental unit didnt belong to the first religion in the world with actual evidence to back up their superstitious nonsense. But most people really are good people, and most parents really do try hard to give their children a good life. So its safe to assume that when they taught you as a young child that hell was a real place you could be sent to for an eternity of torture if you ever THOUGHT the wrong things, they thought they were doing you a favor. They were wrong... but its important to take their intentions into consideration. Context matters. Nuance is your friend. I love my family. All of them. I love the members who support me in my atheism, and I love the members who dont. From their perspective, Im wrong, and in danger of going to a bad place when I die. To you and I that may seem incomprehensible, but to some people, they cant imagine believing any other way. We can be frustrated when they dont understand us, when they take our disbelief as attacks against them personally. We can be saddened if they turn away from us. We can even be put in a situation where theyve undeniably betrayed us or turned their back on us for no good reason, and have to deal with the understandable depression that it can cause... But we should try to understand where theyre coming from. Sometimes that makes their actions - even some ugly ones - forgivable. Its your family. Othertimes its unforgivable - sometimes family can turn on you... Like everything in life, its highly situational. Theres no one answer that will apply to everyone. No, you probably shouldnt hold it against your elderly grandmother that she cries sometimes when she thinks about you burning in hell. Thats sad, thats horrible, and you should try to talk to her about it... but you should understand that from her perspective, youre going to burn in hell. If you believe hell really exists, thats a hard pill to swallow. One of the main reasons its immoral to teach a child that the fictional place exists in the first place. And yeah, youre probably right to hold a grudge against your ex-wife who tries to make it so you cant see your children, because she fears your godlessness will be a bad influence on them. Its important to understand where shes coming from so you can actively combat against the evil crap being pulled, but understanding and accepting is two different things. Sometimes religious people mean well, and mess something up. In those cases, you should be understanding, and forgiving. In other cases, they burn bridges, and try to destroy your life with malice... and in those situations, youre damned right to be pissed off. Just try to understand why the people in your life are afraid of your lack of belief. Its the first step in helping them to get over it. Were all human beings. The sooner we can treat everyone as wed like to be treated, the sooner we can address the very real violations of human rights that are undergone daily in the name of religion. Most religious people are good people. We can be against their religion, but we make a mistake if we dont make allies of the believers themselves whenever we can. They want a peaceful world, too. And the sooner we can all sit at a table without theists wrongfully seeing non-believers as enemies, the sooner we can all make the world a safer place. That the theists at the table will be working to counter-act evil actions explicitly demanded of them in the holy books they still believe in is an irony we can discuss on special occasions, with the believers who opt-in to particularly difficult conversations. No one said peace on earth would be easy. - Josh
Posted on: Thu, 11 Sep 2014 18:51:47 +0000
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