I feel so empty right now, so many thoughts going through my head. I can rest in knowing that dad is at peace and this is how our night went....... 11 30 pm 1/25 Gave dad his night time meds as normal, mom and I changed him for what would have been the last time. He fell back to sleep. at midnight, I noticed a small change in his breathing, so I checked his blood pressure, and talked to him, he was still sleeping. @2 30 a.m 1/26 He was wide awake, and seemed a little agitated, so I gave him some more of the good stuff, and told him it was ok to rest. He grabbed my hand and held tight...... and didnt want to let go, so I just talked to him again softly, and told him everything was going to be ok, and that he was doing good. Again....he fell asleep, but this time it wasnt as restful. I ended up calling the hospice nurse at 4 a.m because dad was seeming to need extra help and suctioning, he wasnt struggling, but he wasnt as restful. Again....I took his once strong hand to calm him, and he held on tight. I look back on this now, and think he was thanking me in his own way. The nurse had me give him another dose of medicine. I kept an eye on his breathing..... and could not leave his bedside, telling him how much I loved him, and that I hope Ive made him proud. He was in and out until about 6 a.m. when his breathing became really shallow...... I told him I would be right back, and woke up mom to let her know that his breathing pattern had changed again. She woke, and had just went to the restroom, when things changed......He was leaving us I woke up my daughter Khristanna Bloomfield, and Mom, myself, and Khrissy held his hand and told him how much we loved him, and he peacefully left this world. I am so blessed that God and dad, let us help dad in his final hours, and I am honored to have cared for him so long. Hospice came in the early hours, and called for the funeral home, and while we were waiting for them to come, I washed dads face gently for the last time, and kissed him on his cheek. We then watched them load dad into the van to take him away........ That was the hardest thing for me, and my breaking point, for this time I was not permitted to follow. I can not go with dad on this to be his final journey. I pray for strength, courage, and peace for the days to come. Love you poppy....forever and always
Posted on: Mon, 26 Jan 2015 22:44:17 +0000
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