I feel the need to make this post in addition to my post from Friday. I know many of you guys who read my post on Friday thought things like, months ago your Gram said that she believed George raped you when you were 12 and he attacked you or we all thought thats what he was trying to do way back when we read your very first healing post on September 10th 2012, so why is it bothering you so much now. This type of thinking is not only hurtful, but it is selfish and down right hateful to be quite honest. MY thoughts and MY beliefs are what matters in MY healing. I have always thought George was just a sick freak whos only intention of holding me down was to show me he could over power me..and to see and touch my little girl boobs (that were barely there). Yes, I know my Gram (and probably many others over the last year) have brought up the idea that hes intentions were far worse, but I guess my mind wouldnt allow me to believe that, because I can assure you that everytime the idea of Georges intention going any futher than holding me down to see and touch my upper body parts (and possibly lower-if thats what my mind is blocking out) has been brought up, I would blow it off as if the person was over reacting...or I very naively believed that they just didnt know George like I did (which turns my stomach to even say at this point). As I said before, I honestly couldnt tell you what made the question enter my mind after all this time. All I can think is maybe through therapy over time the stronger my mind gets the more it will allow me to face. I assume some of the things discussed in my weekly therapist appointments prior to last Monday lead up to that question being a realistic option in my mind for once; rather than just an exxageration from people who didnt know George like I knew him. Although all of these years it may have been locked away somewhere in the back of my mind, and I may have always known that George intended to rape me that day, I am just facing it now...please do not judge me. Do not try to minimize what I am going through or how I feel (or should feel). You are not living my life and you are not walking in my shoes. If you were, I assure you...you would see my situation for what it truly is.
Posted on: Mon, 28 Oct 2013 17:55:35 +0000