I felt like I came close to quitting my job today. Not because - TopicsExpress

I felt like I came close to quitting my job today. Not because anyone said or did anything terrible to me. Hell, they fed me two different kinds of pie at my office. I like my coworkers an awful lot. I was walking down the street and I saw a newspaper whose front page story was that the population of homeless public school children has doubled since 2008. My life felt meaningless. I think when a lot of people say their life feels meaningless it has something to do with how everyone has to die one day. I dont care about that. The limits of life are, after all, what gives it meaning at all. To me life becomes meaningless when it becomes impossible for people to really live it. Suffering for the sake of ideology is meaningless to me. These school children are suffering for a way of life they were born into. Their only crime was being children in a time where people dont know when to call a failed experiment... a failed experiment. To do anything for the sake of itself is meaningless. Eating for the sake of eating is meaningless. One eats when they are hungry or when they a celebrating something, this is not meaningless. Suffering for the sake of letting people suffer, because they deserve it, this seems meaningless too. Theory for the sake of theorizing, with no plans of actual application, with no plans of living ones life in some capacity, is meaningless. What am I doing here? Right now, Im sitting in this cubicle, and I just dont know. I dont know what Im doing here. Its meaningless. This entire nation is meaningless. It stands for the sake of standing, it stands for nothing. The American way of life is nothing, it is nihilistic. It destroys everything. It will destroy the world. I theorize, but I cannot connect it to my way of life fully. Sometimes I do, but never when I am in this place. It is meaningless. My life, here, is meaningless. I dont think I deserve better, I dont think anyone deserves anything, ever. But I need more than this, that much I cannot doubt. Watching people ignore problems and/or compound them because of their metaphysics is driving me insane. I was white knuckling my way through multiple parts of my day. I cant white knuckle forever. I need to figure something out. Things cant stay the way theyve been.