I find myself in a very unique place right now. Im calling it freefalling. For the first time in my entire life, I have NO financial security (in the dream). When i returned from the retreat with all of these lessons having been learned about Trust, I decided after asking Spirit, not to sign on for state benefits like before i went to the retreat. It was shown to me that to do this right now, would be to not Trust God to provide for me. I would be using the state payments as a safety net which i do not need. The fear that this created (or, more rightly, triggered from inside) has been immense. Its the first time in my life that i dont know where the next penny will come from. It feels so freeing! If God guides me to go find a job, that is what i will do. If God guides people to me to do skype sessions about ACIM, that is what i will do. I leave myself in His hands now :-) I have made it known on FB that I am available to do skype session for donations and have not yet had any replies, which the ego has tried to use to confirm to me that trusting is too risky and that I need to do something to make this more secure for myself. As each fear thought comes in, i am accepting the atonement for myself and clearing the fear away, knowing full well that it is created from the guilt i was holding around the subject of finances. I have decided to Trust that God will bring to me everything i need. The same way He did when i was at the retreat and on the journey home that i have described in detail. This situation, for the me that i used to be, is scary. This situation, for the me that i now know myself to be, is easy.The temptation to do something quickly, so that i can pay my son the rent i will owe to him on Monday is immense. I am giving this temptation to Spirit too.I have asked Spirit to guide me on this and all i have heard so far is Trust, all will be taken care of. So, I sit here in Trust, not knowing what will come and not needing to. I am allowing God to help me to bring up all of these fears as they come.The ancient fears that i will go under, that my son will hate me if i cant pay the rent, that i will be destitute and hungry. Im wiping them all away with Gods loving guidance. I am willing to do whatever God guides me to do.I am willing to hand my life over to God for Him to use for His purpose. Teach me, guide me, show me the way my Beloved. I am in the arms of your Love and dont want to be anywhere else.In this moment, where i intend to stay, I Trust in God. :-)
Posted on: Thu, 14 Nov 2013 18:57:24 +0000
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