I get judged a lot. Im out there a lot, so its going to happen. By out there, I mean both that I am a public figure and that I am very open and honest, in what I post and say, etc. So its going to happen....and I am generally positive, but Im not in the happiest of places right now and I feel the need to set the record straight. There are girls that dont like me because they think I am too confident or I think Im something because Im an actress and always going to a photo shoot or film shoot, etc. First of all, though I am extremely confident in my abilities as an actress, I am as far from confident as you will find as far as looks go. I dont think any of you truly understand the self-image battles I go through. Yes, I get hit on/flirted with all the time. I get complimented all the time. And none of that even comes close to breaking or moving past that barrier in my mind that says Im chubby, and I have frizzy hair, and Im just not good enough and this that and the other. As far as the actress thing, I am always talking about it because it is my passion in life. Its always been what Ive enjoyed doing and I revel in it. But its hard......because people are generally of one mind or another with no in between..I either get judged because it isnt a real job and its weird or they think its more glamorous than it is and I think I think Im better than everyone else because I do it. Let me tell you this...It IS a real job, its how I make my living and I work HARD at it. And to the other folks, maybe it makes me weird, but I love that and I dont think Im better than anyone. Its just my job..... Now as for the most recent thing....its not the only thing bothering me, but it was the proverbial straw to have one of my oldest friends judge me for something she knows nothing about, publicly on Facebook. If you want to say my day is easy and carefree, then you need to walk a mile in my shoes. I am dealing with chronic health issues. I have several of them, and only John Holloway knows the extent of them, because he lives with me through them....but really, I dont even tell him all of it. I get very little sleep at night because I dont have time to sleep much and also because I have insomnia associated with some of the health stuff. But whether I sleep or not, I still get up and throughout the course of my day manage to educate my children through home-school, spend enough time with them out side of the home- school activities to nurture them, make sure they are eating properly, etc. And with John still adjusting to third shift, this is all on me. We are remodeling our house and some days I feel like throwing in the towel, because remodeling is messy, time consuming and expensive...but it has to be done and I am the one doing a lot of it..again, John is adjusting to third shift (he is doing what he can, but its just a rough adjustment period). I have to fit that in, in the midst of doing everything else and trying to fit other housework and laundry, etc. around that. Im spending at least four days a week working out thoroughly as my cardiologist said that I wont be around for 10 more years if I dont. Im working six nights a week at the ghost tours. And I am directing/co-starring/organizing and writing for a rapidly growing, successful production company. I spend several hours a day either recording a podcast, organizing the next live event, writing on the theatre shows, wrangling actors, planning strategy with the producer, etc. This isnt including the other acting gigs I am doing to pay the bills, and I usually have three or four of them going on at any given time. You dont just show up for them either. You spend hours learning your script and rehearsing first. Have I mentioned yet trying to find time in there to show my husband how much I love him and my local friends that I still love them and havent forgotten about them??? So if you want to judge me, try having the health problems I do and being faced with what I am and try doing it better. Then you can say I have an easy carefree day. Then you can publicly, for no reason at all, get snarky on a post that was only meant to be light and conversational. Rant over. Thanks for listening. And thanks to those who dont judge me, adding to my already really stressful week. There are a ton of things going on with me right now, that I cant even talk about on here that just.......things are really tricky right now and unsettled and thats all I can say on that.
Posted on: Thu, 11 Sep 2014 03:44:19 +0000
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