I go see my doctor to look into the back pain from hell on Monday. In the meantime, I cant sleep, cant eat, and have a zillion things to this weekend that will require a lot of focus and attention. I know Doctors hate it when people self diagnose, but I WILL say this: ITS NOT JUST FIBRO!!! I know fibro: pain (which, a nurse once told me that Fibro is a dumpster for the chronic pain problems they cant explain with simple testing.) but, that pain is distinctive. Sore, swollen joints, skin painful to the touch, severe fatigue/muscle weakness.....I get that. But, my back??? A spine should have curves. Mine does not, and it hasnt since I injured it 7 years ago, and it was made worse by years of domestic abuse, working 16 hour days to support my family, and doing everything on my own because I was too stubborn to ask for help. I was a single parent, and, in my eyes (at the time) it was all 100% my responsibility, therefore, accepting help showed weakness. (I know better now) My hip separated while giving birth to James, which never healed correctly, so they STILL pop out of place, which is a nightmare for my sciatic nerve. The whole point of this rant, IS, WELL, FOR ONE, ITS ALMOST 4AM AND I CANT SLEEP FOR THE PAIN!!! And, two, EVERY doctor for the last 7 years has REFUSED to look beyond the fibromyalgia. But its SO MUCH MORE. And, the worst part is knowing that if they would JUST LOOK, they could see that it could be corrected! Maybe physical therapy or chiropractic care (which I havent sought on my own because I HAVE NO RECENT X RAYS, despite my MANY requests, and if I have fractures AGAIN (Ive had 6 in my ribs and 2 in my spine) getting popped could possibly make it WORSE! So, I need PRAYERS! Prayers to get through this weekend of VERY important tasks and responsibilities, and that, come Monday, I can GET my X-Rays, theyll quit blaming ALL of his on a phantom pain disorder, and FIX IT!! Im only 32! I dont enjoy being on a cane! I dont enjoy not being able to run and play with my young children, and, come next year, Ill be BACK on stage with the latest musical project Im involved in (Along with playing every wednesday here...which, I wont lie, even in pain is the highlight of my week.) in a band that will be pretty physically demanding. Considering its not just a hobby, but a LIVELY HOOD, not doing it because of pain isnt an option!!! The things I do to bring an income are very physically demanding. I love doing them, but theyre KILLING me!!! I just want to be able to manage it!! But...mind you....I saw a man who SHOULD have passed away a week ago, literally come BACK to life once taken off life support. God can do ANYTHING!!! So, he can take this pain. Some days, I feel thats my only hope. But, really, hes my only hope for a LOT of things, so Im trusting in Him to provide the relief I need, however He choses to send it Just praying he does it soon.
Posted on: Fri, 17 Oct 2014 10:59:52 +0000
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