I had a couple hours to collect myself and to understand why Im so upset about the death of Robin Williams. Im still a mess, though. Its not only the tragic nature of his death, but the crippling nature of this illness, the perception of it, and just a general lack of understanding of what depression really is. It robbed us of someone who was a great significance to our childhood today. What set me off to write this, was the fact that my father simply said, People die everyday. as if his suicide was nothing. I have depression. I have been struggling with it since I was a teen. I am afraid of talking about it to my family and friends, or acknowledging it, because I refuse to think Im broken. I am afraid of talking about it because I dont want to hear someone tell me that itll pass or to get over it or its something everybody goes through. I am tired of hearing that its easily treatable, compared to physical illnesses, just go to therapy and youll be fixed, or pop some pills for your unhappy brain. This is the reason why this illness claims so many people every year. I realized today, like a great slap on the face, that I am not facing my illness. I am not helping myself fight this by staying quiet, thinking about death is not a healthy norm, waking up on odd days completely betrayed by your mind is not something I should be getting used to. I use to think about jumping off the Granville Bridge all through 2nd year of college. I nearly did something stupid clutching a bottle of painkillers last year. I contemplated diving into the Fraser River just last week while sitting by the park. I am afraid of the day when Im going to stop being on my own team completely. So Im fighting back finally. If youve read this far, thank you, because this probably one of the scariest things Ive ever done.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 05:43:52 +0000
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