I had a frightening dream last night that had me waking up in a state of sadness and fear. I dreamed that I was locked out of the house that I was living in suddenly and had to swallow my pride and take the loss of all of my important things I cared about and life as I knew it changing. Everything that i was familiar with was gone and in its place was all new things and new people. My pride had been knocked to the ground and I was left to pick up the pieces and rebuild my whole world over again. This was a very scary dream to me but not because of the possibility of it happening...it was scary because I had gone through this nightmare so many times before in life....growing up in foster care, in and out of love situations and new friendships. After a certain age I had hoped that the roller coaster would stop and things would stay stable and dependable yet we are talking about humans and their choices...his choices, her choices, my choices...they all create an environment which is reality. Although I have taken a fall, I have also gained a step forward because that fall caused me to take a closer look at my surroundings and the people around me. It has caused me to be aware of where and how things can go wrong and create a plan to prevent it from happening again. It has caused me to make careful, calculated steps so that I wont be suffering the same mistakes next year or the year after. The people in my world know of the things that have happened recently and they dont understand that because of these things.....I have changed as well...in ways that are good and bad. Good because I am happier and more free to be myself and focus on what I really want and who I choose to be around....and bad because I almost expect something to go wrong or to fail...and I must get out of that. It will take some time but I thank you so much to all of my friends that have been there to encourage me and keep me focused...it means the world to me! There comes a time when even a Queen must take her heavy crown off and lay her head on the shoulder of someone stronger to lift her up in times of trouble. Im thanking all of you who have showed concern, inboxed me and offered assistance and an ear for those times....you are helping me keep my head up every day and gain my power back!!!
Posted on: Wed, 05 Nov 2014 23:34:57 +0000
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