I had a revelation today. I was about to eat dinner. Eric was on the phone with me, and I paused our convo to pray. I asked God to bless my food, thanked him tor providing it for me, and began to pray for Erics big move. After asking for God to keep us in His will and to have His way in our relationship, He showed me something about myself. Ive always had this really strong need to feel valued. If I feel that Im not, I dont preform as well, because I feel like there isnt much of a point in trying if my efforts are fruitless anyway, right? Today, He showed me the need I feel is directly connected to a constant desire for approval from a few select people in my life. Because I dont receive it there ,I look to everyone else to validate me. He then showed me how Ive been placing these peoples thoughts of me before His, how Ive been doing this my whole life. Because of the disapproval I experienced, I grew apathetic to the things that God showed me I was to do when I was a younger Hannah. I grew apathetic in general and focused my passions else where. He kept showing me examples of this throughout my short 6 yrs as a Christian. Repeating the cycle. I didnt even realize where the root of it was until tonight, and I just wanted to let you guys know that I could give a rip what you guys think about what I do or my motives behind it anymore. I wont be dictated by anyone elses thoughts, comments, questions, gossip, concerns, or unsolicited advice. #IAmFree and God can take it from here. Thanks.
Posted on: Thu, 28 Aug 2014 05:09:55 +0000
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