I had a thought today. The type that creeps in unnoticed in the back of your head, somewhat stoping your mind in its tracks, where everything around you seems to be paused. The only noise you can hear is the slow inhale and exhale of your breath, the drumming of your heartbeat, the ticking like a clock of your brain.. They say when you die, in the final seconds of your consciousness, youre suppose to relive all the moments of your life. Its said that within those few seconds youre able to watch your memories like a DVD or a movie that although may be years long, its somewhat condensed down into those few seconds. That happened to me today. Though Im not dying, not that I know of anyway, but for a split second my mind decided that it would pause time and replay memories of a past lover in merely seconds. Im not necessarily sure I know why it happened, but I know although at times the mind may seem to do unexplainable things, I believe it all happens for a reason. Learning to forget ones first love I could liken the feeling to that of a death to someone close to oneself. The only difference is, the persons not dead, theyre still very much alive, but you have to go on living as though theyre no longer with us. Ive lived with that for the past year and a bit, and unexplainably today an epiphany has changed my course of thought .. If anything I want to make mention to anyone out there, gay, straight, bi, whatever you are, whoever you are, wherever you come from.. It gets better. No battle is fought over night, no battle is won in a day. It takes a lot to let go of emotion... Its all about learning and strengthening. Learning to enjoy the memories and the gift of love, learning to be thankful that you, once upon a time held the key to happiness.. And just because you no longer have it, doesnt mean its left you forever. Today I finally can say after my last break down from my ex, Ive seen him and Im feeling good. Its more or less like a habit. You slowly do something repetitiously and eventually it becomes natural. Yeah it ended, yeah I was upset. But today I sit and smile knowing as my grandfather once said, some of the most memorable, life changing, funniest, enjoyable times of life HAVENT EVEN HAPPENED YET.. Im 20 for god sakes. Im glad I was exposed to what it feels like to love. Truth is, it only makes you stronger in the long run. So too allllll of you out there, it does get better. I promise. They say opportunity only comes once in a life time.. I dont believe that. I believe it comes to those who are willing to do it over and over again despite failing. Its all about the journey people.. Not the destination.
Posted on: Fri, 31 Jan 2014 08:33:11 +0000
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