I had the distinct honor to be the sounding board for a veteran a few years ago. It is an unusual feeling being the oldest guy in the room, but that was how I found myself on the occasion of taking a course at my local community college. And I recognized the same feeling from the younger man that seemed relieved at the sight of me on that first day of class. Looking around the room I thought of just how young everyone else looked to me, they were children, really. As a man in my 40s I must have appeared as out of place as that young veteran of 28 was feeling when he sidled up to me and asked if anyone was sitting in that chair next to me. We spoke as we waited for class to commence, him revealing his military service and me thanking him for the same. I let him lead that conversation and found his candor appealing, but I also sensed reservation and quickly assessed there were darker tones that he harbored that would go unsaid. Perhaps I am unusually adept at reading people. Thats what my wife says. She also remarks on how I hardly ever seem to meet a stranger, easily engaging in conversation with people I had not previously known. This I probably a learned from my mom, who on many occasions, much to my and my siblings embarrassment, would jump right in to others conversations when we were out somewhere in public. But the reading people skill I am sure came from 17+ years of working in prisons, always watching, assessing, trying to devine the thoughts and motivations of those that may do myself or others harm. It was when one of the children, you know, one of our other classmates, first spoke up that I got a real sense of just how uncomfortable my new veteran friend was. She had overheard him telling me of his time in the Army, kicking doors and pulling triggers and spun around in her chair with an eagerness I thought of as odd, but not out of place in the impertinence of youth. But when she blurted out Oh! You were in Afghanistan? I have a cousin over there. Did you ever have to shoot someone? was when I saw his whole demeanor change. He tacitly acknowledged her questions, giving short yep and nope answers, but was obviously loathe to engage any further. I interrupted and invited him to join me to go down the hall to the vending machines. I knew he needed an escape and he seemed relieved to get out of that conversation so quickly. So we walked, and I remained silent. I bought him a soda and as we turned to go back to class he stopped...and addressed the heaviness he was feeling, telling me how Id be shocked how often these kids seem to have no clue and ask the dumbest sh*t. That conversation went on and was revisited by him and I throughout our time together in that class. I like to think that it helped him to be able to talk about things, it certainly deepened my gratitude for his service, but it was the least I could do...just listening.
Posted on: Sat, 13 Dec 2014 10:24:39 +0000
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