I hate being sick anyway an now i been sick with this bug that got me feel like ten ton sallly is sitting on me, got my steroids today may it will be better later, sure do not want to go to emergency room , i owe so many now. People just dont understand when you get to where i am i have alway heard people say your life passes before your eyes an it does, i have changed so much this year even my husband is unsure of he he married, most of all i have came to understand how much of me i handed off to others to gain their love, or attention, or just to be a part of their lives, have friends, you just chip away giving pieces of yourself away for the sake of people you love an they get to where they expect it an then comes the day the glass is empty you just dont have anything else you willing to give, all my life i have heard you do this you get this life has always been soom sort of trade off, or i will be friend only if you do what ever, been told how people dont like what i talk about or say so make sure i only say such an such, i been walking on egg shell all my for fear of being hit, beat, thrown on the street, dis owned so i tried to walk an talk an do what others wanted, hell i got inot worse trouble, so yall just got to take me like i am , i talk alot, som of it is good stuff, some of it is not, i walk around the house talking to myself, AN maybe i do say to much but it is real honest my thoghts opinons ideas beliefs or maybe i am just trying to figure something out, i am real, so take me or leave me people have tried to shut me up for years, tried beating it out of me, threating me, had kids an grandkids taken away, you name it spouse have left an threaten me, an i still ttalk so i doupt after all these years that will ever change, It is what it is! I read people very well always have i am not at this point will to give in to people demand when i know me or we have done nothing wrong. We david an i have dealt with our short comming, our mistakes, our errors, we have been judged persecuted, tried, convicted, sentence, an paid or paying the price for our sins, maybe we did more that what it looks like to me, i still dont always get it, seems we have paid a high an dear price for our crimes, sometimes we have felt like we were murders or monsters without really knowing what exactly we were charged with, but we have over come, we are ok we have found an made peace with ourselves,it does not matter what we think yall are grown an entitled to your decisions an choices wheather we argree or understand, we should have let go along time ago an understood that an the pain would have been alot less, i do feel like we got some pretty harsh convictions an sentences for our sins, but that is my thoughts on it, as i told someone the other day we will never fill that picture you have in your heads we are just david an jimmie jo just two humans being who had too many kids to young an stumbled an fell trying to do what we could with what we had or knew at the time, an yes there are those that grasp things an learn them fast an there are those of us who stumble fall an it take forever to figure it all out, but that dont make us bad, there are some who say we just were never mom an dad material, you have your opinon cause i dont know what that means i know i loved my babies enough to sell my soul or lay my life down, so what is parent material, point is at this point we are just who we are good bad ugly so i we love yall but ther is no terms, it is what it is, yall want to see us want us in your lives we are here we are not going to run cater kiss ass walk on egg shells be emotional abused guilt tripped or threaten we are just us in all our glory.
Posted on: Fri, 27 Sep 2013 22:25:00 +0000
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