I have a confession to make.... I am pretty sure only about five of you will care to hear it, but due to the subject matter that I consistently post I seem to think it is imperative that others see I struggle too. Also, if I throw a little trash out there it may keep me humble.... whatever. Truth be told, I am a prisoner of addiction and the truth just hit me tonight after a two hour fight over whether or not I was going to go get a beer.... I won. I lay here in bed, sober and clean after a hot shower, but the taste is still in my mouth. I am still thirsty after water, soda, even milk... nothing cannot quinch this thirst.... I dont drink often. But recently I have drank maybe twice a month for the last three months and I can sense a major backslide in my future. I have been to rehab in the past. Twice. Alcohl has ruined my life. Twice. Ive been doing good this time for three whole years. .... but I messed up thinking I could drink a little here n there n it wouldnt harm me.... last time I drank was on the 19. Now I already need NEED it again? Aw, hell no. Im not going down this road again. I know the path if addiction leads only to destruction.... My boyfriend has even stated he would like to drink with me again in the future.... of the two years we have been together, we have only drank three times together. Three times too many. I refuse to go down that path again. I refuse to be the reason someone else slips and falls (my man, who Is too good for such a future).... My God I can still taste it though... I am terrified I wont beat it. But at the same time, I dont feel I have a choice but to stand strong and defeat this demon who keeps surfacing time and time again in my life. ...... This post is for anyone who is blinded by the beauty and lies of addiction. .. take heed. Just take heed. You are not in control. I am not in control. I need a sponsor. Soon. But you know what? I won tonight. I might go to bed thirsty. But Im going to wake up healthy and happy. Only God can give me the strength to win this fight....
Posted on: Thu, 27 Mar 2014 01:33:35 +0000
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