I have a long rant, sorry FaceBook Land. Here it goes ... So Ive decided to take the plunge and become a Beach body coach (Thanks due to the inspiring coaches I have in my life now). I realized that to be effective I would have to brake down and find a picture of myself from when I was overweight. Which has proved to be hard because, well I didnt allow for many to be taken then. I did find a few Saturday and bravely posted them in a thread. Hands shacking, sweating, heart pounding as I hit enter but I did it. Ive had that on my mind since then. Wondering why it bothered me so much to show where I have come from. I realized today that it stems from the hurt and embarrassment I went through at that time in my life. Most people I am friends with now didnt know me then. I spent a great deal of time hiding. Diagnosed with chronic depression then struck with a neurological issue that made daily activity impossible I sat and sat and sat some more. My condition causes the nerves to attack the muscles on the right side of my body. I lost a lot of muscle in fact and have a serve balancing issue that I struggle with still. The pic that I shared was of me camping. Not at my heaviest but all most there. I was sad that day because I couldnt bike, hike or just do all the things I loved. Theres two moments that have stuck with me ... the first happened at a carnival where I ran into a old dear friend who I hadnt seen in a very long time, who lost her filter and said YOU GOT FAT! (you know who you are and I still love you ;) ) and the second was at Thanksgiving where I was so excited to see someone had made gingerbread cake with home-made whipped cream (my favorite). But as I was eating it my grandmother came up to me, grabbed my shoulders and said Thats right Ven, just keep shoveling it in! making everyone laugh. I know for a fact that I cried on the way home that night. I didnt have beach body then, a fit group, or really any kind of support. I had to find ways that worked for me. I got rid of the lazy boy chair I had attached myself to and replaced it with a stationary bike. I would get up at 5 in the morning to walk the track so that I couldnt be seen. I took up hiking which then got me running. I remembered how I loved stilts and had my husband make me some which helped me regain my balance from the neurological issues. When I had to go up a flight of stairs I forced myself to do them 2-3 times over and over. I had a lot of unconventional ways of doing it, but I did it. And thats what I hope to bring to my next adventure. I really want to help people help themselves. Im going to be brave and share the pics again ... I admit that I still laugh inside when someone calls me fit because deep down I still see and feel like that old 5 foot 200 pound girl. I finally feel like instead of hiding what I was I need to share it. Because when I say I know how it is I really mean it!
Posted on: Tue, 18 Nov 2014 22:34:58 +0000