I have been doing research today and found this...This is the First Time that I have seen this reply...It will be 4 years January 6, 2014. Tamara Jean Holmquist-Tolbert says: April 6, 2011 at 12:41 pm To all of the ladies above! I have read your letters after reading the article listed above and while it was not clear to me why you chose this particular forum/article to post your comments about health care and support issues, I felt I might be able to help each of you in some small way. My name is Tamara and I hear your pain! First let me state that I was born into the military, became a Marine, married a Marine, watched our Marine retire, finally divorced said Marine and went on to marry my present husband, the love of my life who just so happens to be a Vietnam Veteran, who as of today has been missing for 453 Days from me and our family. And yes the VA knows where he is! Through all my years of being associated with the military, my own active duty, as well as my educational and life experiences, one fact rings clear over and over, “If the military wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one!” Unfortunately, for women, even with all the VA’s propagandized programs for caregivers, family support etc etc, this is the underlying current that skews all of our attempts and efforts to live a quality of life that we deem vital and necessary for ourselves and our families. So let me try and bring some small sence of validation and comfort by sharing some hard cold facts that I have endured and faced and live every day. 1) Mental Illness, Diseases and Disorders are Not an Individual Disease, it is a Family Disease/Disorder and until the government begins treating the diseases and disorders as such, the cycle continues. When someone is having heart issues, first and foremost the person suffering is stabilised but the family is part of the healing process and treated as such. This is not the case with mental health issues in the world of veterans and government health care but in the civilian world of mental illnesses, family support is not only appreciated and supported but very much encouraged! The results of the civilian families I know who are dealing with Mental Health issues are nothing short of miraculous! The illnesses are hard enough but the bureaucratic bull will drive you insane. The NAMI Organization has an awesome website, nami.org The resources there are limitless and you will be guided and directed to other sources that are very helpful to you, your spouses and your family. 2) We as women have to make the conscience choice and decision to be healthy; physically, soulfully (mind, will and emotions) and spiritually because the bottom line is when we are not balanced and healthy, we can not perform our womanly duties in a manner in which helps not hinders OUR husbands. My experiences have proven to me, even while sitting on the boards and committees enacted to aide and support military wives that while well meaning and well intentioned, these “support systems” simply place a band-aide on a gushing bleeder. I have found that civilian community programs such as: local churches, YMCA, female physicians & therapists and my extended family and friends have proven so much more helpful and supportive than government sponsored programs. That being said, hard cold fact, this pain, this gut wrenching and heart aching pain does not go away and will not go away for me until my husband is either dead or home safely in my arms. 3) You are not alone and You are worth loving and being respected in a manner in which you want and need to be loved and respected. We are women, we get to cry and hurt and become angry and feel every emotion and thought we want to. Hard cold fact, most government care providers don’t want to hear it especially when they know but never will admit that, we were at one time during this process being logical and rational and correct! However, by the time we are at the crisis/complaint process and having stayed within the prescribed chain of command so to speak, we are ready to let that Mama Bear that resides in all women just come flying out! Needless to say, they give the politically and socially correct answer, pat you on the head, and get to go home to their lives, while we sit and wait and wonder and deal with it all. However, You are not alone in all of this, you would not believe some of the things that I have been told throughout this journey; things have been done and said that if done and said in the civilian world, at the very least, folks would have lost their jobs! According to attorneys, civilian mental health care providers, as well as other veteran wives (who transferred their husbands to civilian hospitals) that I have spoken to, these certain government health care providers and individuals would be facing lawsuits and the loss of their medical licences. Hard cold facts and quite frankly it sucks big time. Hopefully, the women reading this will at least have their minds put to ease knowing that they are not alone, crazy, or imagining all of these happenings. 4) Hardest Coldest Fact of it All: My husband and I also share responsibility in this entire mess, we entrusted his medical care, our family’s quality of life to a system that we knew to be broken. His biggest fear was, “You check in but you do not check out!” and here we are! I have no clue where he is and how he is. Still, I am here waiting for him, as his wife, in sickness and in health, still crying myself to sleep every night, making myself breathe and Thanking God I served my country as a United States Marine! Ladies, I hope you will receive this info with an open heart and mind and that it may in some small way ease your pain a touch. May the Lord our God Bless and Keep You and Yours, Semper Fi, Mrs. Charles Tolbert Jr. William says: April 14, 2011 at 12:06 pm Here is an attorney who will help…Travis Barrick, if can not personally assist you he will refer you a competent veterans attorney. Travis N. Barrick [email protected] Semper Fi, Doc
Posted on: Wed, 04 Sep 2013 17:10:58 +0000