I have been in sin. This isnt said lightly or in jest. I have been in sin, and as much as I want to deny that it is true, I must confess. For the last 4 or more years I have been coveting a congregation and a church where I can be safe, where I do not need to worry about conflict and sinful desires getting in the way. I have allowed this sin, this coveting of something I do not have a right to expect, because it isnt promised to me in scripture, to compel me to compromise on standing up when I should. I have been constantly in pursuit of peace and safety and friendship. I have pursued popularity so that I can feel as if I have arrived spiritually. In the end it has been chaff and I realize that it will be burned up. I have been so desirous of these things I have sinfully turned my blind eyes away from compromise and equivocation. I have so wanted to fit in I have held my tongue when I should have stood on scriptures like Jude and Titus. I have failed to trust God to lead me where He has planned and have instead thought that if I could just be liked things would be ok. Years of being the odd man out, the wallflower and the pariah have wore me down and I just wanted to be accepted, even if it meant trusting blindly and foolishly. I have so desired this peace and safety I have allowed myself to be pushed around and dumped on. I have labored under assumptions that accusations against me must be true because other Christians are saying these things. Yet if the truth were to be known I am probably far worse than the accusations of pride and arrogance. And strangely enough I am only arrogant and prideful when I stand firmly on what I know scripture teaches without any willingness to equivocate or give ground to those I want so desperately to like me. I have played the fool instead of the man. So instead of being like Polycarp or Luther I have instead been like so many of todays professing Christians and backed off of Scripture instead of standing on it. Thank you Kevin Jandt and Kevin McDonnell especially for the recent weeks of walking through this with me in daily communication. Thank you Gregg Gulbrandsen and the countless others who I know have been praying for me during this time. If I have failed to mention you or forget to tag you I do not love you or appreciate you any less. And finally and most importantly, Father God please in your mercy and grace and through Christ forgive me for loving peace, safety and comfort above you...
Posted on: Wed, 24 Sep 2014 13:45:28 +0000