I have been struggling with depression and other emotional issues for my entire life. I have so many problems that I would be here all night typing if I was to go over all of them. It doesnt matter though for me to share all of my issues as that is for those closest to me to know, not for the world. I also have a lot of trust issues caused by those I considered close hurting me the most through my life. As a result, it has hurt my friendships with people when I feel I cant trust them, as to protect myself I start pushing them away. I know I have been guilty of this recently and my fears start getting the best of me and they cause problems that dont even exist in reality but only in my mind. Actions of people do cause things to be taken wrong, but in the end it is my issue that is causing the problems overall. The reason I am sharing all of this is I want those closest to me and even those who arent close to me, to know that Ive finally decided I cant keep living life this way and I need help badly. Ive wanted help for so long but I have been so scared as Ive had very bad experiences in the past with getting help for various things. Im starting the process of figuring out who I can talk to right now, either for someone to counsel and help me with my thoughts and how I see life, or someone to prescribe medicine to help me right now. I know that it will be a scary road ahead as this is a very uncomfortable thing for me to be doing because of horrible negative past experiences but I know that I need to do this for my healths sake and for the health of those closest to me as well. I have got to get the negative thoughts out of my head before they hurt me any more then they already have. Im sharing this deeply personal information as I really could use everyones support and love right now. This is very scary for me and Ill admit that I am scared to death of the days ahead as I figure things out, but I know that I need this and it really will help me if everyone posts messages of love and support and is there for me right now. I am all alone going through this right now, so really could use all of the support I could get. Also, my biggest fear is that Ill go see someone who just cares about taking my money and getting me out the door, but not actually caring what is going on with me and helping me, so if you have good suggestions for people I could consider going to if my insurance is accepted (United HealthCare, accepted almost everywhere), Id love to hear them as well. Thank you each and every one of you on my friends list, some of you being family who I know care as I have a very loving family, some of you are friends Ive known for 20+ years and I know you care, and others are more recent people that have come into my life, but I know you care as well. This is going to be a long journey ahead, but one that I must embark on to make the rest of my life happier. I know I can make it through this, as I am stubborn as can be, and Ive never given up on anything that I truly believe in.
Posted on: Mon, 02 Jun 2014 03:58:30 +0000
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