I have been talking more openly about domestic violence than I ever have in my life but it sure can bring up a lot of grief and sadness. Its hard to feel it. Grief seems to bring up other grief. I have forgiven my Dad for our family mess. The anger is gone but underneath the grief is a whole lot of sadness. I miss him. I miss his voice and his laugh. I miss the sound of the baseball games he watched. I could not be around him all the time because of his issues. He was a broken man inside with trauma that i will never begin to understand. I will never understand how he could tell all of us that he could not wait until we were gone, how he never wanted kids or that he wanted to kill us all when he was drinking.He would even get out his guns sometimes and try to shoot our pets and threaten to shoot us. I dont know what made him go to that place in his mind. I remember thinking if there was just some way i could be different he wouldnt be that way........................aw...a pattern that has taken me a lifetime to recover from.God has been so good to me in healing me and delivering from that mess. A mess that was going on in a home that looked perfect to everyone. But it wasnt. Nothing is. Only God is perfect. And his power is perfect enough to change your life if you WANT it. He can make your mess a beautiful life.
Posted on: Tue, 23 Sep 2014 20:18:30 +0000
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