I have been trying to write this post all week, but I just havent - TopicsExpress



          

I have been trying to write this post all week, but I just havent been able to get it done. Its hard going back and remembering certain moments of this crazy cancer journey. We have had a lot of amazing moments, but weve also had some really heart wrenching moments. Our first one after Zanes initial diagnosis came in December. We went back to NYC for the next steps in Zanes treatment. We were planning on being there for 7 weeks which happened to be over Christmas. We rented an apartment and took all the kids with us. Kenna absolutely loved the city. She even hailed a cab on her own, not that we were trying to get a cab!! Keston wanted no part of the city. He kept asking why do we always have to walk! Reagan loved ice skating in Central Park. Christmas in NYC is pretty magical. December 19, 2013 Zane was scheduled to get his mibg injection, so he could have his first set of scans after surgery and 6 rounds of chemo. He woke up in the middle of the night vomiting. We took him to the clinic in NYC, and the census was he had food poisoning. His scans were rescheduled for Christmas Eve. We woke early to get everyone ready and to the clinic by 7am. Zane has an amazing relationship with Kenna. She is so good with him. Zane hates drinking contrast, so she made up a game to get him to drink it. Two hours later it was time for scans. Zane had his ct, mibg, and bone marrows. Afterwards we went to lunch and back to the apartment. Dr. Basu is so amazing to us. She always gets preliminary results to us the same day. You know when you feel something so strongly in your heart, but then thats not how it turns out. Well thats how I felt when Dr. B called and said Zane still had cancer. Its hard to describe all the emotions you go through. You feel like you just put your kid through hell and for what. You feel like you let the people down that have been praying for him. You feel like you let your other kids down who just want their brother better. When Zane was diagnosed the doctors told us the treatment plan. They said youll do 5 rounds of chemo have surgery do the 6th round of chemo, and then you should be NED. Ive started to hate the acronym NED. I feel like its a very elusive thing. Dr. B told us the worst thing is having kids come to NYC from other hospitals who have been told theyre NED, and having to tell the parents that their kid is not NED. The mibg scan in NYC is a lot more amplified than other hospitals. Honestly Id rather not get NED than to get it, and have it taken away like that. Our oldest daughter Reagan told me mom God has already healed Zane, its just in the future, and he hasnt revealed Himself yet. Zane back in December and Zane yesterday while getting chemo!!
Posted on: Wed, 17 Sep 2014 18:40:29 +0000

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