I have finished my short story for the nationwide REUTSway contest and am editing it now for submission later today. Here is the opening pages. Any feedback would be appreciated. The contest consists of taking an established fairy tale and putting a modern twist on it. Mine is based on Hansel and Gretel Hans and Greta “I am so tired of these damn bills! I mean between the I-pads and the I-phones we’re not going to be able to get ahead at all! Three hundred and fifty dollars to ATT, really?” William Johansen, or ‘Bill’ as his friends called him, was on a roll as it was that time of month again, the time when he would try a little Copperfield on his statements to get the money to actually match the requests made by services provided. “Now honey, I know the costs are a little steep but we discussed this. They need to be able to keep up with the other kids or they will fall behind in their school work. It’s not like it was when we went to school. Everything is online and even the homework requires the use of their I-pads,” his wife Wanda replied. It’s not like it was when we went to school. Bill was smart-assing his wife’s words with uber sarcasm in his head. “What they need to do is step outside once and awhile and marvel at something that does not require a program to engage their interest.” Bill switched the program on his laptop from his QuickBooks to the news page on his Yahoo homepage. Somewhere in the recesses of Williams mind he was very much aware of the hypocritical aspect of the situation but chose to ignore it. The Yahoo news was paused on a window about how women in the northern Alps had found a new diet that kept their weight down. Bill thought that freezing their asses off when walking outside might have a little to do with it. He missed the feeder bar at the bottom of the screen that had an interesting story passing by. Second set of missing children in a month continue to baffle local law enforcement in Florence, Wis. Why the article should have caught his eye was because he and his family lived in Florence, which was the closest town to the Nicolet National forest. This was a great tourist attraction but was also home to some of the nation’s densest wilderness. The town was small but as most folks know, that is most folks who had ever watched “Northern Exposure,” being small does not mean being backward. The schools were modern and the town had satellite TV and Wi-Fi to keep those computer chips humming. “What’s for supper Mom?” Hans Johansen was hungry enough to have lifted his head up and away from his I-pad long enough to inquire about food consumption. “Chili con carne, where is your sister?” Although Hans could have done without the ‘con carne’ part he did love his chili and this showed all over his four foot eight inches tall frame. ‘Stout’ was the word his Mom used to describe her ten year old boys pudgy body, fat if you really wanted to get down to it but Wanda was a modern woman and all and society said “thou shalt not call anybody what they really are as to not hurt their feelings.” Somewhere down the line the citizens of America had lost a little of their minds… as Bill liked to say. “She’s playing some stupid word game with some of her friends on her ‘pad,”’ as Hans referred to things he could not do without. The reason he believed the word game stupid was because he sucked at it. “Well, tell her to find a place to pause it because supper is going to be ready in five minutes,” Wanda replied. Bill was watching the conversation but not paying a great deal of attention to it because he always got a little agitated seeing his boy looking like someone he would have whooped back in the day. The fact that Bill himself was also a good hundred pounds overweight put him in the same hypocritical state as his need to be online pretty much all the time. Hypocrisy aside, Bill had started formulating a plan to show his children how their dependence on all things electronic was depriving them of many of life’s pleasures and that philosophical gem was actually dead on. Hans little sister, Greta, was two years younger than he but was just as proficient in the use of Facebook and all the other social sites as he was. She was even better when it came to word games with friends. Now Hans actually liked Greta, most of the time, because of their shared interests and because of their shared ‘stout’ stature. Greta was a little butterball herself as Hans liked to say. The other reason was that they were often shunned by kids their age because of said statures and because kids were mean... another true gem. Of course, the two children played and studied with their tablets while sitting in front of the TV, just like the rest of the American carbon based bipeds. At least folks had fingers that were in shape.
Posted on: Sun, 03 Nov 2013 15:12:55 +0000
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