I have had something very heavy on my mind the last couple of days. I reconnected to childhood friends the Hardys who I grew up with in church and found out that Donnie had passed away. I am not going to post all of the details here. You can message me if you knew him too. Under an article posted about the circumstances of his death there were some negative comments that made me very sad. I felt very compelled to add my own thoughts, but wasnt able to find a way to do it. In honor of my friend I just want to share here the heartfelt thoughts I replied to his sisters message to me. I hope it gives food for thought towards our attitudes directed at people in general. As I read some negative comments about some bad choices Donnie made attached to one of the news articles that surround the circumstances of his death, I thought, yes, one can truthfully agree with that writer that a person always chooses this path or that. But, through life lessons of my own over these past 56 years, and my training/work as a Lay Counselor, Ive also discovered that there are defining moments and influences that directly impact the paths we ultimately take. There are also very real physiological chemistries of the brain that play major roles in life choices/struggles. Too often we condemn without considering what deeper issues played a significant role in our mental / emotional development or abilities to make positive changes when needed. Who is free to judge anyone? Who doesnt have things in their history that forever changed the person they were to what they now are; good or bad. Who also does not have things in their deepest closet of hurt and shame (that they will take to the grave), which they can only later in life look back on and see its major impact on their lives. They may feel its too late or not know how to change by that time, but it doesnt mean they dont regret it. Anyone who knew Donnie well knew that he had a loving gentle heart at his most authentic level of self. Just because he may not have been able to overcome certain weaknesses during his lifetime, doesnt mean he didnt feel profound love for his loved ones. Believe me, no one knows our failures and weaknesses better than we do ourselves. Nor can anyone be more condemning of those things than we can be of ourselves. Sometimes its not the mistakes that end up being our ultimate down fall, but the guilt and inner turmoil we never find a way to resolve. So we fall into self destructive behavior instead. Hurt people continually hurt themselves, and in the process they hurt other people. It is as simple as that. Some things are just what they are in life and you have to somehow find a way to learn how to forgive yourself as much as you do others; and love yourself without judgments, just as much as you do others. Otherwise change is very difficult, if not futile. You know, though we may indeed know a lot about a person, it can really only be from a one-sided spectrum. Whether it is from the perspective of a parent, a sibling, wife, child, friend, boyfriend / girlfriend, relative, co-worker, etc., we only know whatever we experienced with that person from a personal stance. No one knows everything about another person, no matter what your relationship is to them. We each have just bits and pieces of the whole story about one another. But thankfully, God does know the whole story. Just like the rest of us, Donnie may have been a fallible human being. But also just like us all, he was forgiven a long time ago by the ultimate judge over us all. And just like each of us, God also knows what talents and successes Donnie did contribute to this world; things He saw in Donnies heart that were very pleasing to him, which no one else may ever have known of. And just like each of us, God also knows what difficult challenges Donnie did manage to overcome in his lifetime and just how significant of an effort it took for him to just get to that point. Its knowing these truths that I can rest in confidence that he is now completely healed and I will always remember him with love.
Posted on: Wed, 30 Oct 2013 20:28:29 +0000
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