I have no idea whats happening to me. Never thought Id miss you so badly. I knew my feelings for you were strong, way beyond what I was willing to admit even to myself. Just didnt realise they were so strong. I have no idea if this is right or wrong. I know that the desire to be true to our friendship is stronger than ever. It seems that in loving you I have the same objectives as being your friend. As I have always said, for me loving you does not mean needing you, it meant wanting you. What I need is to see you happy. Happy, content, with a bright outlook on life. Self confident, full of self esteem and self belief. Positive about yourself and your future. With the strength to face up to the mistakes of your past and the strength to look to your future with hope. I would love to see you be mine, but do not need that. I would gladly see you walk into the sunset with another if I knew it would be for the best for you. The pain and hurt and disappointment I would feel on not being that one would be wiped off with a smile from you. I do not expect youll be mine. Just a foolish hope, a dream I know may never come true. Whats the difference between hope and expectation? Hope asks if it will happen, whereas expectation asks when will it happen? Youve given me hope for a better future but I never expect my life to stop crapping on me. I do not expect good things from life, and like it or not you would be the best thing. I will not qualify it by saying that this holds true now and may not do so later. No. You are the best. Period. If I do meet another later she will not be better, just different from you and as good. You are the best thing to have happened to me in a long long time. That you keep me as your friend, knowing my feelings for you and trust me so deeply means I can never betray your trust. I value you too much to seek more from than what you are willing to give. Rather Id love to be able to give to you as much as I can. Sometimes I think that I probably dont have my feelings for you bottled up. Instead they are the driving force in our friendship. They keep me honest and in control. Because to betray your trust is to betray my love for you, not just a violation of my ideals and morals. So whats the conflict? I wonder if its right to want you, love you, want to do so much for you and yet to hold back from you? We could be , we would be so good together. Yet considering what you are going through is this right? To try to take away from you your best friend and give you a lover. When you need a good friend to help guide you. To give you unbiased advice and views. To think for you when your emotions begin to muddle your thinking. To feel for you when your reason begins to stifle your emotions. To help balance you. I hope in the balancing act i perform as your friend i am doing a good job on all these counts. I hope that i have managed to guide you to a better future for yourself. To a better you. There is yet a long way to go. Along the way i run the risk of loosing the chance of converting a solid and good friendship into a rip roaring fabulous love. This is a risk I feel i must take. For true love demands that you seek not lifetime company of your beloved but lifetime happiness. This is what true friendship seeks too. And i will not countenance any hint of falsity on my feelings. I will be true in everything I do.
Posted on: Sun, 24 Nov 2013 03:36:21 +0000
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