I have panic disorder, schizoaffective disorder, depression and I self harm. I have been like this for 3 years now (since I was 11) but my depression was since I was 7. This was caused by grandad passing away from leukaemia he was like a father to me and when he passed away it was a huge hit for me really I still haven’t gotten over it but I have learnt to cope with it. when he passed away my dad left 2 months later, I began to think that things was my fault and I would become really on edge I would never talk to people and I would become extremely scared of men and it got to the point where I would just cry. My mum took me to a doctor when I was 8 and things got better. When I was 9 my mum found a boyfriend he was really nice at first I was still weary but I liked him. but until he moved in. he became abusive mentally and physically it was horrible things got worse again just as I got over it. It lasted for 2 years and my mum and I finally had enough thankfully it was quite easy getting rid of him but we moved to the midlands and I felt safer but I was still very scared and even more depressed. when I moved I started hearing things just little things calling my name and I would see things in the corner on my eyes I got extremely scared and I wouldn’t sleep because I would get scared that they would get me and I would also get quite psychotic at times one time my boyfriend and best friend where sleeping over and I all of a sudden started hearing voices and seeing very scary things which would consist of seeing myself walk around my bedroom and also that night I saw myself hanging myself it was horrible I was in a corner of the room with tears going down my face completely still and I couldn’t move or talk my mum got me and carried me out of my room and into hers and she managed to get me back around, another time I was at the top of the stairs screaming at the top of my voice crying and also cutting my wrists which sounds awful I know but I couldn’t help it, it was like I was possessed by something I couldn’t help my mum and nan came up and managed to get the blade out of my hand washed me up and talked to me. since then I have still been addicted to cutting and burning it has helped with my depression but also made it worse at this moment in time I am 34 days clean of cutting but not a moment goes by I don’t think about it. I am also still going through depression but now I can see an actual future ahead of me which makes me feel great, strong and positive I just wanted to say this because it doesn’t matter how young you are you can still experience this and whatever you do experience it is very real and very dangerous if you are going through this please get help you don’t know how good this will make things, it won’t make things better straight away but it will always help thank you for reading this stay strong♥
Posted on: Sun, 06 Oct 2013 12:53:04 +0000
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