I have said before my own wellbeing is directly linked to how Kate is doing. I got more proof of that earlier and it nearly floored me. For the last week I have been bouncing around the place in fantastic form. I was even thinking to myself wow I am happy . Kate was well, we had plans made for a transfer to Cork, all was great. Kates spoon feeds have not gone well for the last few days. I did not know was it distraction or was she developing a food aversion. I knew always we were walking on a tightrope with the feeding. Constantly trying to make it an enjoyable experience. Always stopping when Kate showed signs of having enough. Over the last few days this has happened sooner and sooner in the feeding process. Today we were lucky to get two spoons into her. Realistically I was thinking it over the last few days. Making excuses. Was she tired? We had visitors she was distracted? Her brothers were running around. She would not even take chocolate today. Aversion is not uncommon in children with tracheostomies. I hope that is not what is wrong with Kate. Kate had an episode today. Not serious at all when compared to her other episodes but it floored me. Her brothers had left the room and I laid her down to change her nappy. Kate decided she was having none of it. She started crying and changing colour. First I thought no you are not doing this the I realised she was. I jumped into action and began the resuscitation with oxygen as I pressed the panic alarm. Three puffs of oxygen from the bag and she was back. It was all over so quickly. As the nurses ran into the room they were turning to leave again. My legs were like jelly. I could hardly believe she had done it. All because she did not want her nappy changed and she wanted to follow her brothers. Then the tightness in my chest started. The sweat started and my face got hotter and hotter. My legs felt like they were about to buckle. Then my brain is saying snap out of this, You have stuff to do. As nurses popped their heads in again to make sure all was fine I could hardly speak. Why was my body acting like this? This is the weak Lisa from a few months ago. I thought I was a happy strong Lisa all this past week. Why can that switch flip so easily? I guess I need to remember not to be too complacent with my own coping and that I still have healing myself to do. I then had to tell Mark what happened. He looked like I felt. Neither of us mentioned our fear. Would this episode delay the transfer we now know we both need so badly. I dont think it will because it was very quick to recover. Fingers crossed. Please God that is all the excitement for a long time. X
Posted on: Sun, 11 Jan 2015 20:34:13 +0000
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