I have sat here for an hour thinking quietly and imagining this afternoon. My life seems to be a series of stills or rather moving stills. Some moments I dimly recall because I choose to. Other moments burst with a lucid clarity encircling me as my surroundings dissolve into the bygone that was. I walk around the frozen figures of my thoughts and look at the faces, perhaps even more, study the face that was me then, and how I looked then, and what I was like then. My light was not so bright in those times, my hope not so deep, and my turmoil greater as I strove. My youth was a grim determination of survival in some ways. Life pulls hard on us, and as we pull back, it callouses us with the blisters of friction that harden our souls. It wasnt until years later that the the I, the me, and the self was penetrated by a person that wanted to be a we. Her presence descended like a summer rain on a warm day. Her eyes and smile were a song that graced my perception. I didnt know it then, but I had met a person who would not only remain by my side, but brace me in the most difficult of times with a strength born of a steadfastness that was manifest in her people since before the times of Nauvoo. Her love encircled me and was made fast by our vows before God. It is said nothing worthwhile is easy, and often what we prize most is based on the amount of work we put into it. I think perhaps, resting on the efforts, and sweat, and often tears of my wife, that I must be the most valuable person upon the Earth. I certainly dont make things easy and when I get my head turned into the wind, readily admit to a streak of stubbornness and irascibility rarely matched in this mortal sphere. I cannot imagine life without her now. Can there be any words unspoken or promises of golden reward that compares to what I possess and what possesses me? She has born children by me, she has remained steadfast in her love, even when that love hurt her. She has been my strength when I thought I had none. Her spirit offered me rest when rest was most needed. She has been my light in the darkness. And she has been the truth when I needed to hear it. Nothing compares. The clouds move on, and the life around me continues with its furious pace. I stand looking at it like a stranger on the outside, and I see my wife approach me with a smile. Her spirit precedes her as it rests upon my shoulder. She wants to see the Pointer Sisters tonight playing at a local venue. The hope of seeing them is not why she asked me to come. It is to be with me. It is such small realizations that make the heady mixture of sweetness, love, comfort, joy, and touch, of the last twenty nine years an expression of beauty wrought in the forge of mortality and galvanized by the hand of God. I can only wonder at such sanctification in my life, and how it was that I should be so fortunate. Happy Anniversary Kris I love you.
Posted on: Sun, 29 Jun 2014 00:14:44 +0000
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