I have seen the future and... ... it is directly beneath my behind. Meanwhile, back in China: Before we get out and about Nanjing, there is something inside our hotel room that could keep us inside and occupied for hours -- even days -- whether we immediately need it or not. Ladies & gentlemen: Madre de Dios -- THE LEGENDS ARE TRUE!!! We have one of those FUTURAMA TOILETS!!! If you havent had the pleasure, let me be the one to tell you: If you think phones are smart, you should see a smart toilet in action. Well, maybe not while Im on it, but you know what I mean. Below are a couple of pics of this Wonder From The Future. BEHOLD! (Fortunately, the smart toilet does not, unlike a smart phone, take pictures. Fortunately. VERY.) *** Now, I dont mean to lower the tone, but after having experienced The Toilet From Tomorrow, I can say that I now clearly know where the expression spot on comes from. It is amazing. Go into any cleansing mode, and the desired jet of water or air goes directly to.. to.. well, e-x-a-c-t-l-y where you want it to. HOW DOES IT KNOW??? Now, perhaps my, um, dimensions, are perfectly in sync with the, um, template, for, er, humanity down there. (Like you, Id heard the expression Were all the same underneath it all, but I didnt realize til this minute exactly what that meant.) Or maybe the toilet is even smarter than Im giving it credit for. Believe me, this toilet is more accurate at hitting the right spot than I would be armed with a gigantic three-way mirror and 500 feet of fire hose. (Now, go the rest of your life and try to erase THAT image from your mind.) And choices! Not only do we have rear cleaning, we have soft rear cleaning for the delicate poets among us. And not just a deodorizer, but a power deodorizer for the indelicate non-poets among us. Pressure settings! Position settings! And diagrams for those who do not speak English or Japanese. Or are toiletly impaired. Temperature settings! For both water and seat! Even an energy saver for those of us who want to Go Green when we go! Once youve had a toilet like this, youll wonder how you ever did without. Youll want to yank it from its hotel moorings and spend the rest of your trip in China figuring out a way to explain to airport security, Customs and any other unsmiling type in a position of authority why you MUST have it with you. ALWAYS. (As we shall learn later during the unfortunate Sorry I Fouled Your Sacred Shrine segment of our trip.)
Posted on: Tue, 25 Nov 2014 18:05:18 +0000
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