“I have something to say but I can’t say it. So how about this, instead. How about I never saw you coming. Walking through July like it was a ring of fire and then you. You in all your morning glory. You with the lighter fluid in your mouth. You on my doorstep trying to sell me a new security system, smoke in your teeth. I know the stories. Someone is always leaving in them, so here, take a copy of my keys. Leave your coat. Make this harder than it has to be. Make this a disaster because you know I live for that. I was napping on the couch when I dreamed that you got on a plane and left. I think it was a nightmare, at least until you called from the airport and begged me to come meet you, then maybe stay forever. I said yes. And I know it’s not right, to say things like this, so I’ll only say it once. Listen closely. Are you listening? Bring your ear to my mouth. I would follow you anywhere. I would. God, I would.” — Caitlyn Siehl, What You’re Not Supposed to Say “Imagine an empty room. Now imagine me in it. Does it look emptier now? Fun fact: loss tastes different every single time we experience it. So what is it this time? Black coffee? For me, it’s theater popcorn. Tell me I’m the one who took it all out of you, gutted you like a fish and left only bones. Tell me I made you small. Make me the bad guy so I can start being the bad guy. I won’t deny anything. Imagine a pantry. Now imagine me singing on my tippy-toes trying to grab the last can of chicken-noodle soup in it. Does it sound like home or some place far away? I was so close to giving you everything. I was so close to making myself good for you, but I couldn’t stomach it. Was I the hole in your pocket where your change fell through? Was I the reason you couldn’t buy your cigarettes? Was I your bad dream? Good. I wanted to be.” — Caitlyn Siehl, “Imagine an Empty Room”
Posted on: Mon, 08 Dec 2014 13:06:13 +0000
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